#went to the doctor TWICE MORE and tried different ones

[lukie17]

Ordering a body pillow of them!

It was a sleepless night when you decided to doom scroll until sleep finally kicked in. Until an ad caught your attention, a deal of a costume made dakimakura. It was 50% off and you could ask for the pillow to show a fictional character, an actor or even someone you knew. Without thinking twice, you send the picture of your husband with your specifications.

You tried to keep it a secret from him, until he found out.

Xavier

He was supposed to be on a mission and not return until a few days later. While he was gone, you used the pillow and put it back into your secret spot. But this time it went wrong, Xavier being the freak he is, ended up the mission earlier than expected and wanted to pass out in the arms of his partner in life.

But what did he find? His beautiful wife hugging someone else. He did not know who it was nor he cared, he yanked the pillow out of you and his sword pressed against the "neck" of the intruder. Scared out of the sudden attack, you raised your weapon and aimed at him, carefully turning the lights.

Xavier's scowl only grew heavier as his own eyes met him. The pillow showed him in his cat butler self with the difference that his uniform was open, showing his torso and chest. The hunter's face was an enigma, and you froze, knowing too damn well that it could either go wrong or really wrong. Xavier was even jealous of himself and the pillow might trigger it even more.

To your demise, but not surprising, Xavier cut the pillow into tiny pieces. You sighed as you let him rage, trying to find the right words to ease him, maybe there could be a way where you get out of the mess without walking funny for the next few days. But the beast was on the loose.

In a second, Xavier's lips were on your own, one hand pressing you against the bed while the other one ripped his uniform apart. His kisses were a warning, he would make sure that you won't even for a pillow or him.

Zayne

Zayne discovered it by accident. He was doing some spring cleaning at your apartment when he found it. Stacked at the bag of the closet, Zayne almost froze the dakimakura when he landed his eyes on it. Not because of jealousy, but he thought that there was an intruder.

Out of curiosity he examined the pillo. He was in his doctor's coat or at least a spicy version of it. He wondered why you had ordered it and when you did it. Since the pillow smelled like you, he guessed that it was something that you used frequently. Zayne could have taken the path of hiding the pillow away, and save you the embarrassment, but you had played a lot of pranks on him lately, so he had a score to settle.

That evening you walked home tired of a long shift and just wanted to rest, but Zayne had everything planned. As soon as you opened the door, he greeted you.

"Welcome home, cheater" sipping tea from his mug "Did you have a nice day?"

You were confused. You would never dare or wanted to cheat on Zayne. In fact, he looked really calm and was he smirking? He had not a smile on his face but you could tell something was going on.

"What?"

"No need to play dumb" his head pointing to your room "I have discovered the man that is in your bed"

No sound came from you, still trying to understand what was going on. Yes, you invited friends like Xavier or Caleb to your apartment but never cheated on Zayne. Wondering what made him act like that, only to discover your body pillow in bed. You wanted to crawl in a whole, you wanted to die and get eaten by a wanderer. But Zayne had other plans.

"I think I got the messge" his arms caging you against him "I need to stop more time with my wife or else she would leave me" before you could explain yourself, Zayne devoured your lips.

Sylus

He will never, never, NEVER, let you forget what you did. You were on your knees sitting on front of him as the pillow floated infront of you while Sylus made it turn around with his evol. In the pillow, he was wearing some kind of armor that looked like a dragon. It was both endaring and weird.

You did not know what to say. Sylus, as always, had the upper hand and there was no way gettint out of it. So you decided to play your trick card: jumping into his lap hopping to distract him but he had other plans.

The red mist caught you and pushed you down until your face was against the body pillow, making sure that your face was against his face in the pillow. Then he position himself behidn you, his lips brushing against your ear.

"I never thought that you would be such a naughty kitten" you could not tell if he was mad or happy about the fact that you had a body pillow of him, and you did not want to know "Though, I do not know what it took you to buy another version of me when you have me right here"

He sponned you around so you could face him, and when you tried to look away, his evol made you look at him. He looked like a lion about to devour his prey, and for the first time in a while you were a little afraid of Sylus, in a good way.

"Cat got your tongue?" he mocked as he leaned closer "Or are you only going to talk to the pillow, kitten?"

Sylus closed the distance between you, making sure that any sound woud be trapped in his mouth. You don't know if you regret buying the pillow or not changing the address direction to other place rather that your shared home with Sylus.

Caleb

My husband , Caleb would tease you and feel so flattered at the same time. He didn't know that you had it in you, but he also had to tease you as we know. He will lift the body pillow high enough for you to not reach it, and he will se your face blusing as you try to get it back.

"What's that pipsqueack? You missed me so much that you have to get one pillow out of me" you were basically a tomate, but you could not lose.

"Who are you to talk, panty-thief!"

Caleb froze and he left the pillow hit the floor, quickly you grab it at tossed in the closet.

"You- you know?" he was now the one who was turning red "How-how? I was sure that I was careful..."

"How could I not when my old underwear kept reapearing as if it was new!" you protested, hoping that he would forget the body pillow "You pervert! Why do you think I make sure to do all the laundry?"

The body pillow was now a thing from the past for him, the lonely travels to the deepspace tunnel were only bareable because he took a piece of you with him. He never anything pervert with them, but he liked to have them close, he did not know if he could survive with them. He got in his knees, and hugged your legs, looking like a dog who was sad for being scolded.

"Pips, pleasee" he rubbed against your legs "Let me do your laundry again"

You only sighed with relief, now he would forget about the pillow and let you be. After all, you need someting to cuddle against when he went to missions for while. Though you were lucky that he had not open the pillow and found his own underweare in there. What can you say? Weirdos attract each other

[niwaart]

See what I can do.

<Part1> <part2> <part3> <part4>

Spoiled idiot Bruce Wayne decided to adopt another child and Jason had only been dead for a few weeks... And what did Y/N do? She burned every Robin suit in the cave except Jason's old one, to remind spoiled idiot Bruce of his mistake.. The new kid only came out as Robin twice.

Y/N stands in the park throwing all of Robin's new outfits into the fire she started. Needless to say, Bruce comes running from work to stop her. Alfred has failed and is getting tired of trying to stop Y/N. No matter how hard they try to stop her from getting in, no matter how hard they try to protect the new suits by locking the doors, putting up new codes, and putting the suits in unbreakable glass, it doesn't stop Y/N.

“Stop!!” Bruce grabbed Y/N’s wrist “That’s enough you crazy girl! You’ve crossed the line!!” Y/N smiled at Bruce’s words, angering him was her goal, and she succeeded. Richard stood silently behind Bruce… Oh yeah, Richard came home after hearing the news of Jason’s death, and decided to train the new kid to be Robin, but first they had to stop Y/N.

"Oh please tell me what are you going to do now? Are you going to hit me? Kick me out of the house? Punish me by not going out? Give me what you have, because I won't stop until you cry more pain and regret than you did over Jason, he died because of you so you have to take responsibility for your actions... so act like an adult and take what comes your way..." Y/N pushed Bruce's hand off her wrist then patted his shoulder and walked back inside the mansion, on her way back she saw the new kid hiding behind one of the walls looking at her angrily with tears of frustration filling his eyes. Y/N simply gave him a wicked smile and continued on her way without any regrets.

The next day, Bruce was standing in front of her room door telling her that he had booked her an appointment with a psychiatrist. Y/N pushed Bruce out of the way and ignored him and went to make breakfast. But Bruce stopped her by grabbing her shoulder. Y/N was about to turn around to break his arm if she hadn't felt a needle prick her neck and everything went blurry and she lost consciousness. This was Bruce's plan with everyone... Richard, Alfred, and the new kid, they all planned this...

As Y/N tried to move and wake up, her headache was severe and the room was spinning in circles. When she tried to move her hand, she found that she was tied to a chair, her hands and feet bound. She tried to speak, but her tongue was still heavy... "I see you're awake, very good. Do you need some time to get your bearings or should we start right away?" Y/N lifted her head up, the voice was familiar... Who else but that doctor who claims to know how to treat mental patients... Leslie the devil... digs lies into people's minds so that they believe her... Pretending to be a victim... But she is a devil in human form. Jason went to her several times, and every time he came back from the sessions, he came back a different person... Someone who wasn't Jason, a stranger, so she forbade Jason from going to her...

Y/N bit her tongue to speak. “I see that spoiled brat had no other solution than to send me to the devil… right?” Leslie’s eyes narrowed at Y/N’s words. “It’s not appropriate to talk about your father that way. Bruce brought you here for your own good, you have anger issues.” Leslie said as she scribbled notes in her notebook. Y/N was silent for a moment before she smiled and said, “Well… show me how you can change for the better… just to let you know before we start that me being here now is going to cause a lot of problems so I hope you enjoy it with me.” Y/N laughed as she relaxed into chair, she couldn’t wait to see Leslie Thompkins fail at her job.

And so three days passed while Leslie kept asking Y/N questions and Y/N answered them with complete honesty.  This surprised Leslie.  “You answer the questions with such confidence.  I thought you would be stubborn and not answer…Are you planning something?”  It was already the fourth day, and Y/N had been in a good mood since she arrived until now.  Y/N laughed at Leslie’s words and said, “I thought you would never ask, and since today is the fourth day I will answer you. Actually, Bruce’s plan to bring me here… I knew about it before he drugged me.”  Leslie was surprised by Y/N’s words but she did not believe her.  “No way-..” Y/N interrupted Leslie and said, “Everything that’s happening now is part of the plan I made. Of course that spoiled brat put up security cameras all over the house, so I took advantage of that to monitor them… I had all the security cameras at my disposal from the beginning, so I knew what you and Bruce planned to do to stop me… Aren’t I a good actress?  Maybe I should get an award… What do you think?”  Y/N smiled mischievously at Leslie who was terrified.  Leslie picked up her phone to call Bruce and confirm the matter, but Bruce wasn’t answering the calls or even the messages.  She tried calling Richard, Alfred and even the new guy, but no one was answering.  Leslie turned to Y/N in fear and found that Y/N had been freed from the handcuffs.  “Leslie Thompkins..It's your end now.”

@crazycaoticsimp @randomlyappearingartist @ninihrtss @lovebug-apple @artistwithcreativeburnout @itsberrydreemurstuff @bellethesleepypotato @hopingtoclearmedschool @eyeless-kun @s4raahi @roseytheteacup @jsprien213 @uu-uuu

[anakinstwinklebunny]

any scenarios of when reader was going into labour (w vinnie) and how Sam reacted?? 😝

PAIRING: sam monroe x pregnant!reader

FLUFF ❦

SAM MONROE felt his stomach clench while contractions vibrated through his entire body. His face was all pale under the fluorescent hospital lights as he tried to process the very thing happening before his eyes. The beeping monitors, the nurses barking orders, the way your hand was wrapped around his like you were actively trying to break every bone he had. He tried to muttered some light, loving phrases. That you're doing good, that he is right there; something he'd feel cringe about the next day.

And then there’s you, half-sobbing, half-snarling his name like it’s a curse word, eyes squeezed shut and face flushed, and Sam’s palms are sweating so bad the nurse has to tell him twice to keep holding your leg up.

He’s gonna pass out.

“Sam,” you gasped, voice cracked and hoarse. Your nails dug into his hand hard enough to leave red marks. “Sam, I swear to God—”

“Yeah—yeah, I’m here,” he stammered, voice high and cracked, eyes wide and definitely not looking south of your belly button. “I—I got you, ‘m right here, babe—holy shit—”

The doctor said something about one more push, and Sam’s pretty sure everything started to turn into a slow motion from that time. First your scream that ripped through the room, hoarse and raw, making Sam’s vision spotty for a second, head swimming. The nurse barked something, the doctor’s hands moved, and suddenly—oh, God, oh no—

There’s a head. An actual, literal head..Sam’s knees buckled. How did he find himself now beside the nurse? He had no idea

“Holy fuck,” he breathed, voice a strangled wheeze, eyes blown wide and darting from your sweaty, tear-streaked face to—oh, God, it’s still there. The head. Sticking out of -- his stomach flipped so violently his soul almost left his body.

The nurse sent him a concerned look. “Dad, you okay?”

Sam’s mouth opened only to close and open again. He wanted to scream. To yell. To have someone hold him as he's about to faint. His hand was still clamped around yours, clammy and shaking so bad it was a miracle he hasn’t dropped your leg. “No,” he creaked, voice cracking in five different places. “I—I—no, I’m not fuckin’ okay—”

You let out a guttural scream, whole body arching, and then suddenly there was.. more than just a head. There were shoulders, and arms, and a whole squirming, wet, screaming little—

Sam’s vision blacked out for a solid second.

“Dad,” the nurse talked again, a little sharper this time. “Do you wanna cut the cord?”

Sam blinked rapidly to get the vision back. His eyes flicked instantly to the slimy, purple-pink cord thing dangling from—you know what? Nope. Absolutely the fuck not. His face went green, feeling his stomach twist and clench at the grotesque (for him) imagine. “No,” he chokes, stumbling back a step, one hand clamped over his mouth. “No, I—fuck, I think I’m gonna—holy shit—”

You were crying—he could hear it, the raw hiccupy sobs muffled as if they were under the water. The way you were slumping back against the hospital bed with a broken little laugh, all proud of yourself as the screaming tiny human being is handled towards you.

“Hey,” he rasped, stumbling forward on legs that felt like wet noodles. His hand fumbled to cup your face, thumb swiping under your damp eyes. “H-Hey, you’re—holy shit, you did it, babe, you—” big fat tears rolled down your cheeks, as Sam started to mumble clumsily how strong you are, how he wouldn't even last a second, how he'll tie you to bed to let you recover.

“Sam,” you hiccupped, voice all shaky and wrecked. “Look—look, he’s—”

“I see,” his voice cracked, one trembling hand hovering awkwardly over the baby’s tiny back. “I—fuck, he’s—he’s so—”

The baby let out a shrill, hiccupy wail, face scrunching up all furious and red, and Sam’s heart lurched so violently he actually swayed on his feet, knees almost giving out again. What was happening to him? Did labor really had such power over every man?

“Oh gosh,” he muttered, voice thick and wet, swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. “He’s—he’s loud as fuck.”

You let out a watery laugh, sniffling, fingers trembling as they smooth over the baby’s tuft of dark hair. Sam swallows hard, causing his adam’s apple to bob, as his eyes fixed on the tiny, angry face peeking out of the towel. His hands were still much shaking, stomach’s still churning as the image of what he had saw still burned his vision. but—damn, that tiny, squirming little thing is actually his.

His hand shot up nervously, as if not really sure if he can or should even do that. He bit his lower lip, automatically letting his fingers brush over the soft fuzz of the baby’s back, light yet hesitant. The baby hiccupped again, face scrunching up, and Sam’s heart clenched so tight it actually hurt in his chest.

“Hi,” he breathed, voice cracking in the middle. “Uh—hi, Little man.” The baby let out another series of sharp, angry squeals, little fists flailing, and Sam laughed—half hysterical, half disbelieving, a little wet around the edges.

He presses his face into your soaked hair “Holy shit,” he mumbles, voice muffled and thick. “We—we made that. That’s—he’s ours.”

You hiccup a laugh, sniffling, face still streaked with tears. “Yeah,” you rasp, voice all soft and broken. “He’s ours, Sam..we are parents” you grinned through tears as you both chuckled

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @haydensprettyprincess @skyguys-princess @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @babybell-cheese @anisluvrgirl @xhunnybeeex @fuckmyskywalker @gallerygourmet @ysrjune @anakinskwkler @cookybananas @emotionallybruisedx @diorvalentina @sevinax @throughparisallthroughrome @aniiuv @ritosparty @ninastyles @lily-strnlo @thesassypadawan @awhhayden @sydkneez @anisangeldust @l1ttle-misssunsh1ne @anakinca @rubiesarepretty @luluartpop @cloverina @nikiloveshayden @cherriies-snake @skywalkerssgirl @fredswrite @mvst4far @alealuvshayden

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

What are your thoughts about Frank Langdon? Any interpretations of his canon character, any headcanons you really like, etc.? What kind of boyfriend (or husband) do you think he is? Just, y'know, what do you think about him haha

(I guess this could be a request for a Frank Langdon x Reader imagine?)

Frank Langdon Headcanons

main masterlist | the pitt masterlist

summary: some frank langdon headcannons i thought up.

pairing: dr. frank langdon x female wife!reader

rating: PG-13 

word count: 0.4k

warnings: none

timeline: an au where s1e10 never happened <3

author’s note: frank is so adorable and funny and i quite literally squealed with joy when i got this request. (the imagine part is on the way btw <3). also, i’ve only seen the show twice, so sorry if some of the facts about langdon aren’t canon, I tried my best.

I think Frank Langdon is the perfect husband.

Yes, he has his flaws but your love for each other is strong af and you two can overcome anything.

I think he’s the type of guy to bring home flowers just because he missed you at work and wanted to see you smile.

He would definitely bring home chocolates and flowers after realizing the puppy might have been a bad idea.

But you obviously love the puppy so there was really no need for his romantic gesture.

Your first date would’ve been shortly after he met you through a mutual friend.

He took you to a fancy restaurant and you two hit it off instantly.

It was like you’d known him for years and you two couldn’t get enough of each other.

Your second date would be a little more chill, maybe bowling or an arcade as you got to know each other more.

The more you got to know him the more you realized what a perfect match you were.

His jokes made you laugh, and that in itself would bring a smile to Langdon’s face.

The first time he said “I love you” it kind of just slipped out and he was so relieved to hear you say it back.

The night he proposed, he brought you to the same restaurant as your first date.

He didn’t propose there though – too many people, and he knew you liked your privacy.

You two went on a walk in the park afterward, your feet ached a little from the heels but you were too in love to care.

He got down on one knee when you reached the park bench where you first said “I love you” and you were quick to say yes.

And the rest was history.

He treasured every moment with you.

When you were pregnant with Tanner he was beyond helpful

Him being a doctor really came in handy and he waited on you hand and foot, even though you told him you were fine on your own.

I think Frank Langdon would be terrified to be a dad at first but the second he held his son in his arms all his fears would dissipate. 

He’d take time from work while you were postpartum just so he could be close to both of you

In summary, Frank Langdon is an incredible husband.

And we’re pretending episode 10 ended differently.

[ashwhowrites]

Hi! Can I send kinda silly request for Eddie and reader? (I read this fun fact in some scientific magazine 😅)

Reader and Eddie are trying to have a baby so she's getting off pill but Eddie read in some girly magazine that after getting on pill women's taste in men changes.

So after getting off, it changes again to original set up. (Scientists conducted some research in which women even started to hate smell of their man, pheromones or some shit.)

The boy is scared that this scientific thing is gonna work in their case also. So he starts to take a shower few times a day and wear enormous amount of cologne non stop.

Reader can't stand it so she have to prove him she still desires him. (Also she can't stop laughing for a while when he tells her)

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

His smell

Y/N and Eddie had been married for almost two years, and they were itching to have a baby.

Y/N went off the pill and they had been trying and trying for a baby all the time. Eddie swore he was in the prime time of his life.

Eddie waited in the waiting room as Y/N sat in her appointment. He was bored out of his mind and picked up one of the magazines. He flipped through it, even more, bored as the scientific facts put him to sleep.

But then something made him jump awake

"Getting off the pill? Think twice because you may not desire your man anymore"

Eddie quickly skimmed the page, his eyes reading the words faster than he had ever read in his life. Eddie felt like he held his breath as he read all the small articles. From what his brain understood, Scientists conducted some research in which women even started to hate the smell of their man.

Eddie closed the magazine and threw it back on the table.

"Ready?" Y/N asked, looking down at Eddie with a huge smile

Eddie nodded and stood up. He kept looking back at that magazine until they were out the door.

Then he sprayed cologne on like he had the money for ten bottles. Which he did not.

~~~

Eddie hated how paranoid he was. He woke up and showered, he refused to wear anything twice, and then he'd shower before bed. Sometimes he even took up to three or four showers. He was constantly scrubbing his body. He even stole her body wash and towels.

But he refused to smell around his wife.

~~~

"Eddie? This water bill is through the roof. What have you been doing?" Y/N laughed as she looked at their bills.

"Nothing, why is it me?" He asked as he sipped on his cold beer. He took the seat across from her.

"Because I haven't been doing anything different. So that leaves you. Why is the water bill so high?" She asked again

"Just taking some showers" Eddie shrugged

"But why? I mean you sometimes shower even if you did nothing."

"You can still be dirty after doing nothing!" Eddie defended

"Eddie, I've seen you not shower after many things that needed a shower. What's going on?" She asked, she reached over and rubbed his hand. "Are you sneaking in there to do something?"

"NO!" Eddie said, "It's just...I don't want to smell around you."

Y/N blinked in confusion as she stared at her husband

"Since when have you ever cared about that? Two weeks ago you shoved my face in your armpit and asked if you need more deodorant." Y/N said

"Fine, remember when we went to the doctor?"

Y/N nodded as Eddie continued

"I read something that said...after you get off the pill things change. And sometimes women begin to...hate the smell of their man." Eddie kept his eyes on his beer

It was silent

And then

Y/N was laughing her ass off

"Wow, what an amazing wife you are!" Eddie pouted as he yanked his hand away from hers.

"Oh Eddie stop it!" She laughed, "I just...you are adorable."

"You are laughing at me!" Eddie whined as he threw his head back

"Baby, look at me," she said, she tried her best to hold back her laugh

He sighed but looked at her

"I still desire you and your smell." She said, but giggled.

"I so believe you," Eddie said as he rolled his eyes. "My own wife making fun of me." He continued to pout as he stood up and walked over to the couch.

Y/N followed him, holding back her laughs.

Eddie planted himself on the couch with a huff

"I'm just surprised you read science," she said as she stood above him

"I was bored!" Eddie defended

"I think it's sexy you wanted me to desire you."

"Really?" He asked, his puppy eyes looked back up at her

"Makes me desire you even more," she said, her voice low as she placed herself on his lap.

His hands moved to wrap around her waist without a thought

She leaned down and smelled his neck, her nose traveled up his neck and tickled his skin.

"You smell good enough to sink my teeth into," she purred into his neck

He squeezed her hips as he felt his body react to her words

"Want me to prove how much I still desire you?" She asked, a twinkle in her eye as she smiled down on him

"I think that's the nice thing to do," he said with a smirk

She squealed as he threw her over his shoulder and ran them into their bedroom.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123

[satancopilotsmytardis]

(You) Left a Mark

Pairing: Shigadabi (Getting together,), Dabihawks (Breaking up)

Rating: Explicit, 18+ only

Summary: Commissioned by an anonymous user. Enji was late to the mountain, and Toya still burned, but he was pulled from that fire by his father and spent years ignored in the hospital as his body was made to look right again, even if his quirk was never the same. And when he got tired of being ignored at home, he went out into the world with a new name and found a new way of supporting himself as he became a tattoo artist and piercer. He wasn't expecting to meet the new up-and-coming hero, Hawks, at that gig, and really didn't know he would end up in a long-term relationship with the bird. But after two years, there is a selfish fatigue that he feels starting to creep in as Hawks is so busy with his work that he's left wishing to have more of  his time and attention even though he knows he should be happy with what he already has. Or at least that's what he thinks before his chance meeting with Tomura Shigaraki. 

Contents: Past/Brief Child Abuse, Emotional Neglect, Hawks Bashing, Anti-Dabihawks (please do not tag as Dabihawks), Non-Villain!Dabi, Scarless!Dabi, Tattoo Artist!Dabi, Canon Divergent AU, Cheating, BDSM, Dom/Sub, Under-negotiated Kink, Dirty Talk, Blow Jobs, Premature Ejaculation, Cumming Untouched, Cum Eating, Bondage, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sex Toys, Hand Jobs, Creampie, Bathing/washing, Aftercare, Breaking Up, Getting Together. 

Word Count: 24,829

He doesn't remember being pulled out of the fire, or the hours that he was in the I.C.U. in the hospital. He doesn't know the years he loses to a coma, just that when he wakes up in the hospital, his skin ruined, patches of it numb and others screaming with agony at the slightest prod, and his body so different from how it had been before he'd burned, that he isn't ever going to be the same again. He knows that it's one of his father's assistants who comes to tell him that his father is too busy with his hero work to come and see him upon his waking and that his siblings won't be visiting for a while either. Not until Toya has been treated and the scars and damage to his nerves has been dealt with. The next visitors he gets are juvenile prosecutors who tell him that the 'accident' with his quirk, while unintentional, did cause a massive fire that destroyed kilometers of wildlife and protected land. Because Endeavor spoke on his behalf, because his grades were so good before he burned, because they think that he's suffered enough-- especially given they now know things were also very bad at home, with Rei having tried to burn out Shoto's eye as she suffered a mental breakdown shortly after Toya's accident-- they don't want to have to arrest him. So instead he is going to live in quirk restraining cuffs until he's eighteen years old. It's not that long, they tell him, just another three years because he slept so much of his life away. And Toya is left in that hospital for a long time, the only people he sees are the nurses and doctors who try to put him back together and the tutor who appears twice a week on his laptop screen as he tries to recapture the education that he'd missed out on. 

He finishes with his treatments at seventeen, intensive plastic surgery taking away the scars that covered most of his body at the start, and his skin not hurting or going numb anymore. But there are small ripples in it, from the burns, from the incisions that had to be made to stitch him back together, but nothing that catches the eye from even just a few feet away. He still looks too much like his mother, and he still feels like a ghost when no one comes to pick him up the day he gets released from the hospital. He thinks that he might just be lucky that someone thought to send a cab to the hospital for him, because otherwise he would have had to trudge back into the building and beg one of his nurses for the fare to get home. 

No one thought about the fact that he wouldn't have a key to the house anymore, and even though he rings the bell, no one appears to be home, and Toya is forced to sit on the sidewalk outside of the gate until well after dark before his father arrives home. He looks up at him, seeing that nothing has changed in his face except that he is more openly disgusted with him now than he had been before he'd set the mountain on fire, and all Enji says to him after all of that time was, 

"Don't you ever embarrass me like that again." Before he opened the gate and walked inside, not waiting to see if Toya had actually managed to follow him inside or not. He hadn't felt fire rush through his veins like that since the mountain, having been so numb to everything that happened afterwards for years now. But he was furious when that was all his father said to him. He had shot up from the ground and he had raged. The cuffs at his wrists were the only thing that kept him from turning the house into an inferno as well, as he screamed his fury for anyone and everyone nearby to hear. But there wasn't anyone else to listen to him, just as there hadn't been all of those years ago, and all his father had done was calmly walk back to him and bring his hand across Toya's face hard enough that he had been knocked to the ground, black spots blurring his vision. Then he had turned and gone right back into the house. 

He stayed on the ground for a long time after that, and when he was finally able to make himself stand, it was as Dabi, Toya thrown away and left to burn up in the memory of a childhood promise that the world, his genes, and his father had not managed to keep to him. 

///

Enji hadn't cared what he did when he left the hospital so long as he didn't draw attention to himself or destroy his siblings who had better futures laid out in front of them. Shoto was still completely isolated from the rest of them, but Toya’s relationship with Fuyumi was damaged beyond repair when she kept asking him to apologize and make nice with their piece of shit father so that they could be a 'happy family’ again. Natsuo was still ride-or-die with him, blaming Enji for what happened and being so ready to be away from the house as soon as he was old enough to be, looking into colleges and scholarships for years, intending to get a full ride as soon as he could and get out of the house and away from Enji, but five years apart still left their marks and Dabi couldn't click with his brother the way he thought he had when they were younger. He didn't have prospects for going to college, even though he had graduated by using online programs, his doctors had said that he might need an adjustment period as he left the hospital, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to get any kind of scholarships, nevermind him sinking so low as to ask for his father to give him the money to go to school. So instead, within a week of being back in his father's house, he was on the street every goddamn day looking for work. 

His first job was in a convenience store. He took every shift he legally could, and a few more that he got paid for under the table as he often exceeded fifty hours a week. He just wanted to save up his funds as much as he could. His father didn't care about paying for things within the house to be maintained, so while he was living there still, he was able to save every yen he made, going and setting up a bank account at a firm entirely separate from the one he knows the Todoroki accounts are in, so that he would be certain that his father wouldn't touch that money or even know that he was making any at all. 

He dyed his hair black, he started dressing how he wanted to instead of the way he had been forced to by his family growing up, and somewhere between all of the work, between the nightmares that still ravaged his mind every night when he was sleeping, he decided that he just didn't want to leave anything of Toya left in him when he looked in the mirror. It was a slow process, one that took over a year to complete, the quirk cuffs coming off and Dabi being warned that any other incident would land him directly in Tartarus for the destructive nature of his quirk, before he had metal littering his skin. Piercings along his ears, in his nose, snake bites, studs through his nipples, cock, and tongue, and dimple piercings in his cheeks. When he had so many that his manager at the convenience store had been put off by them, he'd made up some bullshit excuse and fired him. Dabi went back to the piercing studio and asked if they needed anyone to do anything there, and after being pointed in the right direction of what education he would need before he could start working at a place like that, he’d had a new goal to follow. It took him another year, Fuyumi moving out to go to college then, before he had been ready to actually become a piercer and be able to just work the counter at a place. 

It was another three years of his apprenticeship, and a lot of luck that saw the requirement of needing to have a medical license being  overturned, allowing Dabi to become a tattoo artist as well. He didn't think that he would want to do that, not ever thinking that he had a creative bone in his body. But he'd given it a try and found that while, even after years of artist studies of form, anatomy, and color, he was not the kind of person who could do a still life, a portrait, or anything even vaguely resembling a human form. He could imitate those things when people came in wanting a specific thing, and that's what he did most of the first year that he was working on people. And then he had been bored during one of his shifts and he'd rolled up one of his pants legs and gone at his skin with a sharpie for a while. They didn't have any walk-ins, only one person there and with Simon as planned, so he finished freehanding the design and stared down at his skin. The contrast between the sharp lines, the areas he knew he would fill in with thicker black, the thinner swoops of lines that would be shaded in a wider stippling, the way that the volumes and forms of the shape conformed to his leg looked... right. They looked like absolutely nothing, but it was the kind of nothing that he thought abstract art was supposed to be, and he had been quick to get Simon's feedback on the design, 

"It looks good. You finally gonna try something over your scars?" They're not very noticable from a distance, but they are still there and Dabi had hesitated getting any ink beyond a single smiley face on the inside of his wrist because he hadn't been certain at the start that he wanted to cover them up. He didn't want to have the evidence of everything that he'd gone through taken away from him. But looking down at the design creeping across his leg, he knows that he would regret not capturing it in his skin as he sees it.

It's a whole production to get his station set up and make sure he doesn't damage the ink too badly as he actually properly preps his skin for the tattoo he hadn't actually planned on giving himself. But he spends the rest of his shift with his needle buzzing in his hand, the pain of it sinking into him over and over again more than worth the elation that he feels as those lines start to come into sharper focus as they turn real on his flesh. By the time he's done and Simon is taking pictures for him while it's still raw and vibrant, Dabi doesn't know if he's ever felt... prouder of anything else he's ever done. 

He takes care of the tattoo as it heals, and before it has, the shop has already gotten an email and a few DMs on their social media account from people who want to have his freeform art adorning their skin. And suddenly Dabi is actually making a name for himself in small circles.

He still doesn't make enough money to afford anything elaborate, but the day that Natsuo moves out to go to college, Dabi leaves too, living in a tiny apartment above a Yakitori restaurant that always smells like burning, but that's his, with no ties to his father and no parting words exchanged between them. And that's good enough for him. 

///

Dabi is twenty-two when a blond guy with dark marks around his bright gold eyes comes into the shop. He is short, pretty, and clearly nervous as he enters the building. He's probably a year younger than him and when he comes up to the counter he gives him a bright smile that doesn't hide that he's nervous the way that people often are when they come into the shop for the first time. 

"Hi."

"Hello, do you have an appointment?" Dabi knows he doesn't, but he asks as a matter of protocol, knowing that their only appointment today is already back on one of the tables with Simon, in for an eight-hour appointment as he works on the shading of his back piece. 

"Oh, uh, no, do I have to have one? I didn't know. I thought that something simple might just be a walk-in if it's simple?" He shifts his weight on his feet and Dabi gets that vaguest touch of... familiarity that he doesn't know how to place as he looks at this guy who he was pretty sure was a stranger. 

"What simple thing do you want as a walk-in?" He asks, leaning his hand on his chin and looking as uninterested as possible as he tries to place how he knows this guy. 

His face goes red. "Oh! Uh, I don't mean to be rude. I just-- I wanted my ears pierced? I thought that might be simpler than like, all of that," he gestures to Dabi's body and his numerous visible piercings, and then, when he realizes that might also be rude, he goes even redder. "I mean--!" 

"Lobe piercings or something else?" Dabi asks as he straightens back up nonchalantly. 

"Just my lobes," he tries to clarify as Dabi moves around the counter to lead him back towards the piercing area. "I have a set of earrings I'd like to use-- they're 24 karat gold. What I read online said that would be fine for a first-time piercing?" 

"Yeah, that works, come take a seat and I'll take a look." Dabi focuses on the task at hand, trying not to choke on his tongue when he sees the jewelry box that the guy pulls out from his jacket pocket and the name of the store that he got them from. No doubt that the rubies in them are real and worth more than Dabi makes in a year, and that the quality of the gold is equally as exceptional. Piercing his ears doesn't take long, not when it's something that he's so practiced at and he's gotten so good about getting the marks for the holes symmetrical on the first try. Soon enough he's got the ruby studs in the guy's ear and he's bringing him back into the main area and over to their aftercare section, getting him a saline solution and the little pamphlet that they give all of their customers that has information on how to care for their new modifications, and what to look out for in case of rejection or other complications. By the time he's checking him out, Dabi is a little disappointed that he uses cash to pay instead of a card, but he plays it off lightly as he gets his change, saying, 

"Guess I'm not gonna get your name then." 

And the guy, his nerves seeming to have abated from his earlier fumbling, sounds much more sure of himself when he says in return, "I'd be happy to give it in exchange for your number." 

Dabi doesn't know if it's to satisfy his curiosity or to reward that absurd boldness, but he gives it. He's not expecting to be told, 

"Hawks," in exchange. 

But when he gets a text three days later asking if the number three hero in the country wants to meet up for coffee, he is curious enough to go. 

///

Dabi hadn't been sure that he'd wanted to date a hero at first. Especially not when he avoided telling Hawks that he was Endeavor's son, but the hero never told him his real name either, so he figured that put them on even ground in some ways. And Hawks was... fun. He was loud and vibrant, eager for every good experience that he could have outside of his hero work, though that wasn't really a surprise. He was always working so hard at it, he had to be to end up as number three in just two years after his debut, and Dabi wasn't about to knock that. He'd gotten further than Endeavor had when he'd started his climb and Dabi was more impressed with that than he liked to be. 

Hawks has two apartments, and after a year of dating, Dabi moves into the second one. At first it felt like they were living together. Sure, most days, most nights, Hawks was out grinding through hero work, but when his shift was over he flew back to the apartment hard and fast, shedding his hero clothes and becoming nothing but a cuddly, clingy, useless bird. He couldn't cook for shit and would have probably died from eating nothing but fried chicken, so Dabi always made him food when he was home and packed extensive bentos for him when he went to work, sometimes several days of meals if he knew that the other man would be working multiple back-to-back shifts. He continued to work as a tattoo artist primarily, and Hawks was a hero, and in their little apartment that was nothing like the lavish penthouse that Hawks always said just 'didn't feel like him' they had a little life together. 

And that was alright, for a while. But the thing about hero work is, and he should have known this from the start, is that it never slows down. Hawks will always have the same amount of work to do because there will always be crimes in Japan. He will always have to go out on the press circuit and flash his pretty smiles at cameras and wink at his fans, never telling them that he's gotten into a relationship, let alone with another man, because he is, for all intents and purposes, an idol while he's still in his prime. He wouldn't be able to announce a relationship until he's in his thirties and even then, the backlash that would come and tank his public opinion scores if that wasn't just an announcement of marriage would be so stark that even when they hit their two year anniversary, there is no chance of that becoming public knowledge. 

Dabi knows about the game that gets played so heroes can stay on top, and the ways they can go after each other so viciously behind the scenes if they think that's something they need to do to get to their own satisfaction. He knows that this all is just the way things are, and he tries to make himself okay with that. Hawks doesn't really care about those numbers, he just stays in the top ten because he wants to do as much good as he can for the world and being the fastest hero in the country means that he can do more than others. 

And the days that Dabi spends alone in the apartment, the hours he spends cooking and then cleaning out spoiled food from tupperware when Hawks gets called in for a team-up out of the blue that stops him from coming home, how he hasn't told anyone who Dabi is, so he can't even drop off the food at his agency, all of it starts to weigh on him.

But Hawks is fun. It's nice when he's home, and Dabi doesn't want to lose those good moments. So he endures the long stretches of silence in the apartment. He makes due with being a dirty little secret, a private house husband when he's around, and--

"Fuck!" Hawks has always been loud in bed. From people noises to bird noises and coos that Dabi has gotten used to. His back has marks on it from being slashed up with the sharp black talons that curve out of his nail beds and Dabi has taken a wing to the face more than once because of how they can spasm and flap when Hawks is feeling good. Dabi likes to do that, likes that when the hero cums, he finally relaxes, he coos at him and allows himself to be pulled into the bed to stay for a few hours, even if the cuddles are typically preceded by Dabi preening him. 

Dabi spent nine hours today working on a client, his neck, shoulders, and hand are already sore as hell, but it's the first time in two weeks that Hawks has actually come back to this apartment, usually crashing in the other one because he didn't have the energy to try and lose any tails he might attract to come home to their real apartment, or sleeping in his office instead. He wanted to come home and make them dinner, to be sure he cleaned up the food that he'd made that had gone uneaten and made a new week of meals for the other man to have as he goes back to work tomorrow afternoon. And the orgasm is nice, getting to lay together closely in bed is nice, but by the time they are settled, Dabi doesn't feel like he's said more than a few dozen words since Hawks got home, the other man slipping out of work, but never slowing down in talking about what he's been up to.

"I can't believe I'm finally going to have my first team-up with another top ten member." His wings flutter lightly and Dabi wants to be excited for him, but there is a headache starting in his forehead and even though he wants to stay up and talk to the other man about whatever he wants, he has another early start tomorrow. 

"When are you going back in?" He asks, because of the things Hawks has told him so far tonight, that wasn't something important enough to bring up. 

"Tomorrow afternoon," he wraps his arms around Dabi's waist and flutters his wings, beaming up at him, "So you've got me all to yourself until then, hot stuff." 

Dabi blinks, then frowns, "I told you, I have an appointment coming in at nine-thirty tomorrow." He tells him, watching his face fall and his feathers un-fluff. "They've been waiting three months, I can't reschedule it." He says it more gently, but it still makes his chest ache awfully as he does. 

"Oh, well, it's work. I get it." But for the first time tonight, Hawks stops talking about his own work and Dabi stews in that quiet for a few minutes before he reaches over to his phone and shoots off a text to that client, asking if they can come in at one instead because an emergency has popped up on his end. He apologizes profusely as he lies, but not long after the text goes out, his client responds with a very sweet message wishing him the very best, and saying that she would be happy to reschedule entirely if he needs the time to take care of his 'emergency'. The kindness and understanding only makes him feel worse, and Dabi knows he'll be giving her a discount and taking the cut from his pay to pay back that kindness. 

"She was okay with rescheduling," Dabi tells Hawks, reaching back to his wings and starting to pet them again, the feathers a little stiff under his hand at first, but softening as he hears those words. "I can stick around until you go back to work." 

Hawks lifts his head off of his chest and beams. "Great! Because you know how I love to go into another long shift very relaxed, hot stuff." His voice takes on a salacious purr and Dabi regrets not asking his client to come in at two instead, because working over his lover in the morning after also giving it to him tonight is going to leave him exhausted and not energized the way that sex seems to work for Hawks. 

Still, he smiles. He's just glad that he can be someone that the hero relies on so much. 

///

"You look like you're about to drop dead." Simon tells him the next night as they're closing up. "Boyfriend finally deign to show up?" 

It's so automatic at this point for Dabi to respond, "His work--" that when he turns around, he sees the other man is mimicking him, continuing where he drops off, 

"'keeps him so busy. He makes time to come home whenever he can.' Right." Simon rolls his eyes. "And did you actually manage to talk to him about going to the convention in Kamino?" 

Dabi winces slightly. He'd gotten accepted eight months ago, and in the four times that Hawks has been home, there was so much happening that he wasn't able to actually talk to him about it. "No-- but he's going out of town again for another trip. I shouldn't have any problem going to the guest spot." And he will tell Hawks. He'll leave him a message and send him a text, and he'll know he has his own work things to see to when he leaves. He had debated submitting an application for years and finally worked up the courage to do so eight months ago. It was an honor and a miracle that he had been selected to be one of the twenty featured artists who are going to be present at the event. He can't give up an opportunity like this. 

Simon huffs softly, shaking his head as he continues to make sure his station is fully sanitized and ready for the next morning, and Dabi tries not to let that sour something in his gut. 

///

When he does call Hawks, he doesn't answer the phone, and when he texts him explaining the situation, it takes six hours to get a response. Dabi has already finished packing his suitcase and is now focused on making sure that there isn't anything in the apartment that will get gross if he's gone. He's taking the meals he made out of the fridge and putting them in the freezer as he realizes that Hawks was in such an excited rush to go off to his debriefing that he didn't bother to pack them so he could take them to work with him. 

Birdy: 'Aw, what?? ☹️ I always get so lonely when you're not around. Who's going to make the best karaage in the world if you're not home?'

The sentiment, while it might have felt more sweet if he weren't currently packing away the meals he spent hours making before the other man had come home yesterday, feels like it rings against something discordant inside of him. He tries to put that out of his head and focus on what he's doing and the response he pens as he sends it. 

Dabi: 'Sorry, pretty bird. All of the meals I made are in the freezer and I made sure to clean the apartment.' He hasn't yet, but when he sees he doesn't need to head to the train for another hour and a half, he figures that he can manage that as well. 'So everything will be good for you if you manage to come home ahead of me. Love you, stay as safe as you can.'

He has already gone and put their sheets in the wash and has started to vacuum by the time that Hawks manages to reply again. 

Hawks: 'It still won't be the same without knowing you're there .💔💔💔'

And that only makes Dabi's chest hurt a bit more acutely as well. But... this is a big opportunity, and he can't cancel it at the last minute or he'll risk not ever getting invited back to one of these events. Not to mention that he already has clients lined up for some of his time slots, including one who has agreed to be his canvas for the competition aspect of the convention. He should have told Hawks about all of this when he'd come home instead of putting it off to find a better time. But as he shoots back one last apology, he determines that the next time they're both home, he'll just put in the extra effort to make that time special. 

///

Registration and check-in start at two on Thursday, and he goes to get his badge and papers that will allow him to check into the hotel accommodations that were provided for special guests, featured artists, and other talent that has been booked for the convention. It's not an elaborate room in some fancy hotel, just a suite in a moderate chain, but the fact that his travel and his room were comped because they wanted him to come to this even the fact that he has a lanyard, badge, and wristband that say 'featured artist' on them, all fills him with a giddy excitement. He goes and gets lunch, really dinner by the time he's fully settled in, and eats as he goes over the information he was given at the door, the map of the convention hall, and the schedule that the organizers sent to them. He can go in and start setting up an hour and a half before the doors open and his first booked appointment isn't until tomorrow at noon, so he should have time to take a few simple walk-ups if he gets any. Every day there will be a judging for the best tattoo started and completed that day, if the artist wants to submit to it, but that is separate from the other competitions that are going to be happening on Saturday and Sunday which include over twenty different categories that can be submitted to, covering everything from size, to style, lettering, or color, what gender their client is, and more. Dabi goes over his laminated booklet of designs that he has ready as space fillers and flash tattoos, but he is glad that he has a few clients who have already specifically reached out to get some of his more elaborate freehand work for the rest of the weekend. There will be plenty of press at the event, or so he has been told, and lots of other people involved in the industry, including companies that he would love to be noticed by and get his work featured on their sites as well. There are only three or four conventions like this in Japan a year at most, and he wants to make the most of it. If he can, then he might get invited to go to other ones overseas. He could travel, make a name for himself entirely independent of his past. A legacy all his own with nothing to do with his father. It's something that hadn't been as important to him when he first left as just getting away was. But the thought now makes him sit up a little straighter and his mostly dormant quirk heats his skin a little warmer. 

Dabi can hardly get to sleep that night from how excited he is to go in the next morning. 

///

Check-in in the morning is a little rocky, something to do with having to make a last-minute change to how some of the tables were set up in the artist alley. It's only a ten minute delay, but he's not the only person who has arrived early to start getting set up, and the line grows and grows in that time. But once they do get inside, the map seems accurate and he's easily able to find his station. This is his first convention, and while he tried to talk to other people who had been to them before, he hadn't had the funds in his account to do something very elaborate for his area. Other people have banners, multiple binders or other creative displays for their work, and the like so that people will be able to see their area from a good distance, but Dabi could only afford, and be able to travel with a large poster he got made at a copy store that he unrolls from its tube and then has to duct tape it down along the edges so that it doesn't curl back up and pop off of the frame he sticks it on. It has his name and a couple of pictures of his work, and the single binder of designs he has is all he needs to put out for that part of his set-up. Then it's all about preparing his station for when the doors finally open. 

///

Dabi should not have been worried about not being able to book people. He had been, in the back of his mind, terrified that he would only have his pre-booked clients come to his chair and otherwise be left alone, watching as other people worked, and go home with nothing to show for it. But as soon as the doors open almost every available chair is full as people mill about. There are other events and entertainment throughout the day and Dabi hopes he gets to take a walk around when he takes his lunch break, and the convention center fills up with people who are visiting the other vendors around as some come straight over to their area and start to line up to get tattoos from the artists available. His flash tattoo designs are popular, but that seems to be the case with everyone else present as well, and he's glad to see Simon's advice on pricing has kept him from asking for too little or too much for the convention. He knocks out a few of the little flash designs before his scheduled client comes in, showing him, in person, the series of scars along his thigh that he wants worked into and covered up by Dabi's abstract work, and while they'd talked size, color, and concept, when Dabi starts to work on his skin, he goes at it with marker first just like he did his own limbs, all four now having full sleeves of his winding artwork, though Simon did have to put him in touch with some weird guy who could make clones of people. It had to be all off the books since only heroes are allowed to use their quirks to make money, but Dabi was happy to pay the money to have himself do the work along the parts of his skin that he couldn't reach, knowing that turning over the work to another artist wouldn't create the same ink-splash effects that he would with his own hands. 

And as the lines start to flow so easily, he is able to ignore the clutter of so many other people milling about and the buzz of over a dozen other needles working around him. He just focuses on what he's doing, focuses on talking to his client, and when it's time for him to put his own needle to skin, all he's thinking of is the next curve of his wrist that will bring the design he sees spiralling through his head to life. He gets into the zone, through the walk-ins and his appointment, and by the time he comes up for air it's only when he has a pounding headache and realizes that his stomach is aching and hollow. He puts up his sign that says he's going to step away for lunch, and upon realizing how much he's actually made today and missed a check-in text from Simon, he's glad to shoot him back a message that tells him things are going well.

There are a few places to eat around the vendor's hall and he goes to get in line with some of the other patrons, a little scandalized at how expensive the meal is, but at least it puts something in his stomach. He walks around as he eats, looking in on some of the other vendors, just to stretch his legs and stand up straight for a little while, and with the food in his stomach, chased by some pain medicine, he takes down his sign and prepares himself for the next wave of people.

///

Dabi slept like a rock when he got back to his hotel room, and when his alarm goes off the next morning he is so exhausted that he suddenly understands why Simon said there was not a chance in hell of him ever applying to do another convention gig again. But the money is great and the amount of people he had going through his station and absolutely thrilled over the results was also great. He saw so much wonderful work at the hall, and talking shop with other artists who studied different techniques or who use different equipment to achieve their style has only made him more excited about how his craft could expand in another three or four years. 

So when he opens up his booth today he's prepared for what he needs to do, and he's pleased when he has the first person in the hall make a b-line for him. The guy who approaches him is wearing a white button-up shirt, black slacks, and a dark red blazer, his long wavy white hair cut into a shaggy style that has pieces falling across his forehead and against his cheeks. His skin is pale, but his eyes are bright and shine like rubies as he comes right up to Dabi's table. 

"Hello," He greets, a light rasp in his voice. 

"Hi, Dabi," He introduces himself, reaching out to shake his hand. 

"Tomura. I was wondering if I could get an estimate for some detail work? I have a presentation at three, so if you're not booked, I'd love to also get that done today, if not now, then later this evening I should be finished by five." Judging for today doesn't even start until  seven and the convention is open until midnight, so Dabi figures this all should be good to go. 

"Sure, can I see the area? And do you have anything in particular in mind?" He lets him around into his booth so he can take a seat and the man shrugs off his blazer and opens the buttons on his shirt. Dabi has seen a lot of people's bodies over the years, and he's not going to say he's immune to seeing someone particularly attractive or particularly fit stripping out of their clothes, but he does know how to separate that from the professionalism that he always tries to handle his clients with. Still, seeing the other man open his shirt so that he can expose his well-muscled chest and abs, the only ink a large blacked out circle over his chest, a simple but strange image, is not entirely unmoving. 

"I got this a few years ago, but I don't think it's complete yet. I saw your work around and I like the flow of it. I was thinking maybe some splashes of ink going around it and up towards my collar bone? Maybe make it look like it has some kind of gravity to it?" 

It's a larger space filler, but honestly, if that's what the guy wants, Dabi will be more than happy to do it. He would love to work on something with that kind of style to it. "Yeah, I can definitely do that." The doors opened at nine and if he were doing the blacked out area as well as the design arching around it, then he doesn't think that there would be a way in hell that he would actually be able to get it done before he needs to leave, but he should have plenty of time to get this done if the guy likes his initial sketch. Tomura takes off his jacket and shirt to keep the fabric out of the way and he sees that he has a forearm sleeve on one side that is an elaborate field of forget-me-nots with a white cat laying at the center, and the other shows an impressionistic wolf chasing a rabbit. They go over what they need to, from pain tolerance to relevant medical history, asTomura folds his clothes over the back of the bench, and then they get started. "What's your presentation about?" He asks as he sets things up and gets his gloves on. 

"I'm here on behalf of La Vénus," and when Dabi doesn't have a reaction to that, he continues, "It's a sex club downtown." He explains. 

"Oh," Dabi blinks, his face heating slightly. "I didn't know there was one of those here." 

"It's only been open for a year and a half, but in addition to our nighttime activities, we also offer classes for people who are looking to learn how to engage in kink safely. I'm giving a brief presentation about ways people can not only approach kink at the start of their journey, but also how to introduce that to a partner if they aren't on the same page as them." 

"Is it always a hard sell?" He asks, genuine in his question. Most people here are living some kind of alternative lifestyle, he's not about to alienate someone or potentially get put on the wrong person's shit list by being dismissive about the wrong subculture. 

"It depends on the partner. Not every kink will be for every person, but a good partner, and a strong relationship, will meet a request from a place of understanding instead of disgust and shame, and hopefully there can be a way of working together to find something that all parties involved can enjoy. And if there isn't any of that communication, understanding, or attempts at empathy, and the asker really does want to have and doesn't think they can be happy in the relationship without it, then maybe it's time to thank the partner for what they were able to give them and move on to what other opportunities are out there for them." 

"Yeah, guess that makes sense." 

"I'm also going to be talking about basic introductions like what BDSM means, kinks vs. fetishes, different types of domming and subbing styles, I think the panel is called 'Kink 101'-- I was a last minute swap-in for my riggers who were supposed to be here putting on a performance art piece.One of them got clipped by a cyclist and took a tumble at just the wrong angle off of the curb and broke his foot."

"Ouch, I hope that he has a quick recovery, and it's great that you were able to step in on short notice." 

"He's in high spirits about it." 

Making conversation with people is about half of the job, and over the course of the next two and a half hours that Dabi works over Tomura, they keep up a steady, comfortable stream of chatter. The design takes shape easily, turning into curved lines of ink that meet in sharper points along their apexes, gaps between the thicker black sections like the ink is being pulled apart as it is drawn from the skin and into the circle at the center of his chest. Light dot shading gives some areas additional depth that gives it a three-dimensional effect that makes the illusion even more apparent. And by the time he's done, he's very pleased with his work. 

Dabi gives it its final wipe down and Tomura is perfectly happy to linger for pictures before he starts to get out his stuff to wrap up the fresh tattoo.

"Oh, no need." And before Dabi can say anything about how absolutely necessary it is, he watches as Tomura's skin heals. It goes from shiny and red with irritation, to thin scabs forming, hardening, flaking away, and then to clean, unblemished skin, the tattoo looking like it's months old instead of minutes in a handful of seconds. Tomura meets his eyes as he takes a wipe to get rid of the plasma and ink that leaked out and the flakes of scabs from himself, "Regeneration quirk." He explains with a shrug. "I'm just glad that it doesn't work so well it completely destroys them." 

"Yeah, that would be wild," Dabi says, as if meeting someone with a regeneration quirk alone isn't already insane. Natsuo has ranted at length about how people with regeneration quirks are nearly forced to go into hero studies so that they can be used as field medics instead of sending them to hospitals where they could consistently help people instead of being on standby all the time for heroes or for disasters. 

Tomura pays for the piece in cash after he does up his shirt, passing Dabi a stack of bills that is definitely too much, and then giving him a wave. "Thanks for your time, Dabi. I'd love to have more of your work, hopefully I'll have time to get in touch again." He takes a business card that has the shop's number and his work email and then turns to leave as Dabi realizes that he'd given him a fifty-percent tip. Holy fucking shit. He only has a few minutes to wrap his head around the strange man that he'd just met before the next person comes up and starts to look through his book of flash tattoo designs, and he has to focus on getting his station all cleaned up and sanitized instead of turning over the strangeness of that man in his head. 

///

It's not quite intentional for Dabi to take his lunch right around when the Kink 101 course is supposed to be starting. He just didn't get a break until then, and after how long he spent waiting in line the day before for food, he took the fact that vendors were allowed to bring their own snacks in, both for themselves and in case anyone on their table needed them if their blood sugar dips, and he shoves two convenience store onigiri into his mouth and chugs his water bottle, goes to a fountain and refills it, and then chugs that too, before he decides to try to go to the panel. He still ends up being late by fifteen minutes and Tomura Shigaraki, as he catches his full name on the sign taped to the door, is already deeper into his discussion. This convention is already eighteen plus, so he's able to slip inside and find a vacant seat at the back of the room, sitting to listen to what is going on. 

"Finding a kink, discovering a style of domination, submission, or both, can take a long time to work through, and it might not be consistent with every relationship that you're in. That's why being able to check in with yourself and be honest about what you have in your relationship, what you need out of it, and what you're looking for in terms of kink-- or really whatever else you need-- is so important. Maybe in a past relationship you were okay with play just being in the bedroom. Maybe you had a period of time where being a brat was the only thing that got you through the day, but now things are more stressful, and you have so many responsibilities on you, that you can't handle having more expectations put on you, and you need a dominant who doesn't get a thrill out of punishments, so much as you need one who will be pleased to take care of you when you come home. Someone who has a good meal waiting for you, will run you a bath, and then take you to bed and make sure that you're feeling so good that all your stress melts away and all you need to do is let yourself be guided by them to bring you both fulfillment." Shigaraki goes on, talking about ways of negotiating through different styles of dom/sub relationships and giving examples of things that can happen in them as well as some reasons why people who have been into those dynamics have found them fulfilling. He talks about a wide variety of other common kinks including a few that make Dabi uncomfortable to hear about, but he talks about all of it with the same level of care and detail. There isn't a drop of insincerity or derision when he talks about things that seem strange to Dabi, but must be relatively commonplace and that must be... popular. All of the things he discusses have to be popular to have made it into his limited presentation, and when Shigaraki gets to the question asking and answering portion, Dabi feels like he fades even further into his own head. 

He's been doing all of that 'service dom' stuff for Hawks all the time when he's home and at first it was nice to feel helpful, it's just been... less nice lately. But he didn't know that people could get off to that kind of stuff. Maybe if he could make that some kind of foreplay then he wouldn't be so exhausted each time Hawks comes back to the apartment after also having to spend so much time in bed with his partner. 

Dabi dips before the full presentation is done and goes back to his booth, thinking about that for the rest of the weekend. Out of the thirty plus competitions, he feels very lucky to have managed to win two of them, best flash tattoo on Sunday, and best small black design on a male model on Saturday, each day seeing the same categories presented, but new winners chosen for each one. Each winner gets ¥40,000, and that feels like a nice bonus, given that the amount he makes just from doing the pieces he has over the course of the weekend is more money than he normally makes at work in a month. Dabi is never hurting for money now, everything at the apartment is set to autopay and Hawks gives him an allowance for groceries since he wouldn't bother with cooking otherwise, but Dabi never really has been able to shake the feeling of being poor. He never was, not really. He was close a few times after he left the Todoroki house, but all that time that he spent scraping together the funds to support himself always made him feel like he was on the knife edge of oblivion, or at the very least having to crawl his way back to his father and destroying any scrap of his pride that he had left. And Simon did insist that he take a week off to let his hand recover, which, yeah, ow. So he has the money to take a vacation, the time off work, the knowledge his partner isn't going to be home for another two weeks if hero stuff stays the way it has been, and... no reason to go home if there isn't going to be anyone there waiting for him. He'll just be alone in the apartment, and lately... he really hasn't liked doing that very much.

So when Dabi gets back to the hotel on Sunday night, he asks if they have a room available for the rest of the week and then he goes and looks up La Vénus and their educational programs.

///

The following afternoon he finds himself going to a skyscraper in down-town Kamino and checking in with a woman at the front desk. She brings him off to a waiting room with sixteen other people of all shapes and sizes who are also here for the one week intensive workshop that promises to teach them the basics of negotiations, safe BDSM practices, and practical knowledge like basic rope tying. And the class starts at exactly two on the dot as Tomura Shigaraki walks into the room with a tablet. He's wearing a deep red button down today, several of the top buttons undone, a black leather chest harness looped around his torso, sleeves rolled up to show his forearms, and black dress pants again. Today, he's tired back most of his hair, though the messy fringe still frames his face. 

"Hello, I'm Tomura Shigaraki and I'll be your instructor for the week. Before we get started, I have a few rules to go over and some guidelines to help keep all of us safe as we proceed." He explains that they will be using the traffic light system as they go through the classes and what that means, so if anyone ever needs to have something stop during a practical application or if they want to step out of the room while the class is learning a triggering kink, they will be able to do so safely. He makes sure that they all checked their phones at the door and tells them that the night of free admittance to the actual sex club upstairs on Saturday night, then they will all have to turn in a clean STI test by the end of the week, but that they will get a welcome packet for information about the walk-in clinic that the venue works closely with to make sure that their various talent also use. Then the tour starts. They get to go through the filming studio that has a variety of different sets and is currently being set up for the next porno that will be shot there today, then up to the lobby of the love hotel section of the building, for people who might not be ready to engage in a public entanglement, and for their guests who are too inebriated to get safely home. There are offices and administrative rooms, as well, though Shigaraki says those areas are where the more boring work of running this company happens, but they need to cross their t's and dot their i's because a lot of people would love to see this place disappear rather than succeed. They get a tour of the empty club near the top of the building, and that is expansive. Dabi hasn't ever been much of a club going person, but seeing one in broad daylight with all the lights on is extremely weird. They are shown the main dance area where people who aren't sure if they want more explicit play tend to stay for some heavy petting, and then go down a wide hallway with roped off  seating areas in front of six sets of red velvet curtains. Shigaraki steps down the stairs and parts the curtains showing a bedroom inside, also all decorated in red with a variety of common toys hung neatly on the wall, ready to be used by either customers who book the experience or by their professional doms, subs, or actors who choose to use it instead. Beyond that is the lounge which has large benches at the center of a speak-easy style bar with a balcony running around the top of the room giving people a bird's eye view of the tangled orgies that often take place there. Next door is the traditional dungeon area that Dabi would have expected when people talked about BDSM, with black leather and red accents with floggers, crops, neatly tied bundles of rope, and other accoutrements on one of the walls. And from there the 'wet' room which is tiled and with drains in the floor for people who are interested in fluid-based activities. Then the playroom which is a frilly, pastel landscape that might look like a cartoon world or a child's playhouse if not for all of the very obvious, very pastel, fetish gear around, like breeding benches, stockades, and modular furniture that can be used by the people inside. Before Shigaraki ends the tour with a much more traditional strip club-like room that consists of a bar, two seating areas, and a t-shaped stage. When they've had their look at V, Shigaraki brings them back down to the ground floor and they go to a conference room and are able to take a seat at the little tables in a semi circle around their room, the welcome folders waiting for each of them. Then he starts to teach. He goes over basic terminology, starts to talk about what they will be exploring in this workshop, and then he goes around and gets those of them who are comfortable with saying what they're most interested in learning and has them say it out loud. Dabi doesn't offer, but when everyone is filing out of the room, he's not surprised when Shigaraki comes over to him. 

"I didn't expect to see you again so soon, Dabi." He says with a pleased warmth in his tone. "But I can't say that I'm complaining. Do you have any experience with BDSM?" 

"I hadn't planned on it until after I caught part of your presentation," he says honestly. "And no, not really? I think... that I've kind of been being a service top for my boyfriend for a while after hearing what you said about it on Saturday, and I got curious about how uh, kink and stuff, might be able to heighten that experience."

"Oh, well I'd be happy to help you work on that and find tools to help ensure that you're happy with where your current relationship is, or find a new way of framing it to make it better. I can't promise perfect results, but if things feel stagnant, then just opening the door to a conversation can be a great way to start to get things moving again." 

"Yeah, that's really what I think I'm hoping for." He admits. "We started off really hot and heavy, and then his work got so busy-- and that's fine, he has an important job, and I like what I'm doing, but sometimes I don't know," Dabi shrugs weakly, not knowing how to put into words how he feels after Hawks and come and gone like a whirlwind and he's left dusting himself off in the aftermath. 

"You feel drained, alone, helpless? Like maybe the time you spent together wasn't good enough, or you made a mistake?" But Shigaraki just reaches into his brain and extracts the words like it costs him absolutely no effort to do so. 

"I-- yeah, how did you know that?" 

Shigaraki doesn't look all that pleased that he was so on the money, his lips twisting into a small frown as he goes on. "Well, it sounds like you're doing a lot of acts of service, but not getting any reassurance or aftercare from your dom." 

"Oh, he's not my dom. He doesn't uh, give me orders or anything. I just do all of that stuff because I know that it makes things easier for him. I just.. think maybe I overdo it sometimes?" 

Shigaraki still doesn't look very happy at that explanation, but he says, "Well that's very kind of you as a caretaker. And when you're finished performing those acts of service for your partner, does he do anything for you in turn? Either in bed or outside of it? Running you a bath, bringing you your favorite food, cuddling with you, words of affirmation?" He lists off things his tone a little more leading with each option and Dabi feels the back of his neck go hot as he has to say instead, 

"No, usually I... take care of things in bed too, and afterward we go to sleep. He usually has to be back at work first thing in the morning, so he heads out almost immediately after we get up, and then he stays at work usually for a few days, sometimes a whole week if things are really busy." Dabi... doesn't have that many friends, he realizes at this moment. He has Simon, who is technically his boss, and Natsuo, but he doesn't have anyone else besides them, and they both know that Hawks is a hero and that how busy Hawks is is really just par for the course. It's not his fault, it's just that he has so many lives to save and so much good to do being a hero because he actually believes in a world where heroes make it better instead of it just being a contest of ego the way that Enji has made it, and they usually just nod when he says Hawks is too busy for birthdays, anniversaries, dinner, holidays. It's to be expected. But with that knowledge tying his tongue in this conversation, he sees it on Shigaraki's face as he hears how little it sounds like Hawks does in their relationship and Dabi feels worse about misrepresenting his partner. 

"Okay, well, maybe you can start with something small. Maybe try to find the time to talk to him about how you've been feeling low after your time together. You said things were very hot and heavy at the start, and I imagine if you two don't get to see each other all the time, that means there's a lot of anticipation for the times you can. And I bet that things get hot and heavy again quickly after that because of the limited time as well. When something gets built up and there is a lot of excitement around it, there can be a crash afterwards as your brain uses all of your good hormones and endorphins up and that can leave you feeling depleted. That's what we call a 'drop' and they can be very severe for people, or just a consistent feeling of discomfort after a scene. But doing something that helps to reassure yourself, or something that is low effort but feels good or comforting, can be a great way of preventing that, some aftercare so that you will hopefully be able to stop getting to those lows." 

And those words, at the very least, make Dabi feel a bit better. "Okay, yeah, that sounds doable." He didn't know that feeling so much anticipation, so much frantic energy to make the most of the time he has not being alone in the apartment, and the hollowness that comes for him in the quiet again when it's over, was something that could be so commonplace to other people that they would have words for it, but he's glad he has them now. 

"Great, and I look forward to showing you some other ways that will help you make sure you're getting everything you need to make kink work for you." He smiles again and some of the tightness in Dabi's chest leaves him. 

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to finding out more about all of this, and hopefully I'll get the chance to work with you again on your next piece." He says, giving a weak smile of his own. 

"I hope so, I was thinking of a back piece. A moth maybe, with slashes of starlight coming out of it, mirroring what you did around my chest piece." 

They talk for a bit longer about that, and Dabi relaxes again. Shigaraki is a good conversationalist, and Dabi does talk to a lot of people, he talked until his throat ached over the weekend just trying to be personable with everyone who came to his booth at the convention. But that just means it's much easier for him to know when he actually clicks with someone enough to want to keep talking to them, and when forty-five minutes eclipse from the end of the class and someone actually comes to see what is going on, Dabi knows he probably could have stayed there talking to the other man for another hour at least. Oh well, if nothing else, it just reassures him that taking this vacation was absolutely the right move for him as he looks forward to the class tomorrow. 

///

The classes are wildly different from anything that Dabi ever thought that he would get up to in his life, but they are good, fun even. Shigaraki is good at treating the subject with enough seriousness when he's talking about play that could be harmful if executed poorly, but he never shies away from the fact that, 

"Yeah, sometimes we have to take a step back and acknowledge it is pretty funny that being treated like a dog, piece of furniture, or a misbehaving student when we've been out of school for decades gets us off. It's fine to laugh at yourself and never forget that when it comes down to it, kink is supposed to be fun, there should be a joy and satisfaction in the things that you're doing, and if you aren't finding that, then it might be time to take a step back and re-evaluate why you're doing it in the first place." 

And there are little exercises that Shigaraki does with them as well. He walks them through the beginnings of wax play and how to buy candles that are safe to use on human skin. He brings out a series of different impact toys and teaches them where they can go, how to create a pain scale, the difference between 'thuddy' and 'stingy' pain and how to take care of whoever is on the receiving end of that pain when they're done. He teaches them the basic knots for shibari and signs to look out for in case something is too tight, urging them to always leave the knots loose enough so that they can slip two fingers under the rope of whoever they're tying, including themselves as he talks about self-shibari and the way that can be soothing and enjoyable as well. 

Dabi learns so much, and whenever they have to partner up for the activities, he often ends up with Shigaraki as his given the odd number of students in the class at the moment. He thinks that maybe that should be embarrassing, with the other students already forming little micro-cliques during their breaks, but he doesn't mind. Shigaraki is great to talk to one-on-one as well, and he feels like he's absorbing even more information than he thinks that he is during the lectures at large as they work together. 

Their task right now is a mock scene negotiation in a safe space where they can practice voicing the things they want in bed, how to handle rejection, or how to map out details enough to ensure that they are set up for a safe scene in the end. 

Dabi knows he's not the only one bright red as he tries to stumble his way through his words, but he doesn't know if he's felt his quirk closer to his skin in a decade, but he might burn up completely as he tries to imagine asking Hawks to do anything that they've tried so far in class. 

"I, uh, I think I want to try to be a service dom. Not much has to change-- I'll still clean the house and cook and stuff, but when we're together, I think it would feel good if you could tell me that I've done well? A-and after we're together I start to feel low because I was so excited to see you, but then it's over so quickly and it makes me exhausted, and I tend to feel really bad after you go, so maybe instead of me just making you feel good before you leave, we could spend a little more time together? I think it would be nice to do something softer. Maybe I could do that thing that you like," bird quirks aren't common enough for him to risk saying 'preen your wings' out loud, but he doesn't have to. Shigaraki already told him that he could redact anything that he wants to protect the privacy that he wants to hold onto here. It still feels so strange to say all of this out loud though. "I just, I want to make sure that it still feels special, and that it still feels good when we can be together, and I think that making some of these changes could help." 

Shigaraki waits a beat for him to finish speaking and then he answers in a low voice. "No, I don't think I want to do that. I would rather you put a leash on me and make me bark." 

And even though it's not supposed to be funny really, the wild rejection does let a bubble of half-hysterical laughter slip from his lips and help him to try and regain his balance. "That's not what he would say if he were going to shoot me down." 

"What would he say then?" Shigaraki leans his knuckles against his cheek, smiling at him gently, encouragingly as he helps to coach him through this part. It's going to be so hard to say any of this at all, but just being forced to think through it, to practice what he would want to say, it does help. He always felt better when he thought he was doing something proactive to change his circumstances. 

"He would probably say something like, 'oh? really, sorry! Sure, we can try it!'" Dabi tells him, but even as he says the sentence, he feels that low starting to come into his mood again and he trails off. He's not expecting Shigaraki to reach across the table and catch his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to encourage him to go on. "...And then, maybe after a week or two, he would slow down. And if I asked him for a check-in, he would probably say, 'oh, yeah, all of that-- I'm sorry, I've just been so busy lately! Maybe we can try again some other time?'. And he is busy, this is just something for me."

Shigaraki squeezes his hand a little tighter. "Just because it's something for you, doesn't make it less important than things that are just for him. You should be able to ask for the things you want, Dabi." He considers him for a second and Dabi can't keep holding his eye contact, feeling... small in a way that he hasn't ever felt before. "You keep talking about service domination, but have you considered that you might lean more towards submission instead?" Shigaraki prompts him, and that, at least, is different enough that he is able to focus on the other man's words more clearly. 

"I always top, he usually doesn't have the energy for that after all the time he spends at work." He says automatically. He used to switch with other people he's slept with in the past, but Hawks just wasn't ever interested in that. 

"You can still be a submissive who tops, Dabi. The real difference comes from where you're getting your pleasure. Do you like the idea of doing all of the things you've told me you do because you feel satisfied knowing that the apartment is in your control, that you are the one who makes sure that your busy partner is looked after and taken care of when he comes back home? He can go out and save the world, or whatever his job is that is so important, but when he's inside of your home, he's able to relax because he looks to you for that kind of tenderness and care that you put into making everything perfect? Or," he leads him with his tone, "Do you make the house perfect, cook, and do whatever he likes in bed because you like it when he gives you attention for doing them? Is it about taking pleasure from being told that you're doing a good job? Would you enjoy being tied to the bed and used as nothing but a toy as much as you enjoy making him food if you knew that it made him happy to do that to you?" 

And Dabi's blush comes back hot across his skin again as he rolls those words around in his head. He... always tries to earn a scrap of praise, always works hard so that he can prove that he's worthy of standing beside Hawks even though only two other people in the whole world know that they've even met. And when those efforts go unnoticed or unacknowledged, those lows come in so much harder for him in the aftermath. He only ever sails high when he does something particularly impressive and Hawks spends time telling him how wonderfully he did. He looks to him for that reassurance. "I... like it when he tells me I'm doing a good job." He admits softly.

Shigaraki smiles at him again, so warm and sweet and it makes Dabi's chest go warmer too even though he knows it shouldn't. "That's fine, Dabi. But if that's the case, then maybe start to reframe what you're asking for in your negotiation. If you need a dom who will give you the praise, attention, and acknowledgement that you deserve for how well you've been acting as a sub, then that's important. You have every right to that kind of attention, especially if you're suffering without it." 

"Okay." He barely manages to say the word, taking his hand out of Shigaraki's. "Uh, I think I'm going to go to the bathroom." He says, leaving the table without another word. He has safe ones to use, but he doesn't know why he needs them. Why his chest feels so tight, why he thinks he might burst into tears as soon as he's alone. But he does know that he shouldn't have felt a little warmer when Shigaraki was holding his hand like that. 

///

Dabi tries to text Hawks that night. He hadn't bothered to tell him that he was going to stay in Kamino after the conference because he knew that he wouldn't be home to notice his absence. But that sends a sourness through his gut now and he shoots off a message to the other man. 

Dabi: 'Decided to stay in Kamino for the week with the vacation time. How are things with you?" 

It takes twenty minutes before he gets a response. 

Birdy: 'Kamino?? What r u doing there???'

Dabi frowns and types back quickly, trying to make sure he gets as long of a conversation out of his partner as he can. 

Dabi: 'I had the tattoo convention over the weekend.' 

Birdy: 'Ooooh right! Cool, have fun!'

Dabi stares at the text bubble for a minute. He thinks about telling him that he won a few prizes for his work, or telling him how many people he saw, how badly his hand hurt on Monday, something. But he realizes distantly that he... wants Hawks to ask him about that. He had been so excited when his application had been accepted for this, and Hawks had forgotten about it in the eight months leading up to it, forgotten that he went to it even when he'd gone home and not seen him there, and he didn't even remember it now. 

He doesn't like the part of him that screenshots the La Vénus educational programs page on the site, but the parts he does like are silent as he sends that to Hawks with the added bubble, 

Dabi: 'I signed up for a few, thought that it could be an interesting way to spend the week.' 

Birdy: '😳!' 

Birdy: 'Maybe a nefarious villain will tie me up when I come back home and have his wicked way with me 😘' 

And Dabi's not prepared for the sharp heat that goes through him. Not desire, but something... volatile that has his quirk trying to act up again. 

Dabi: 'Or maybe a dirty hero ties me up and has his way with me. I could teach you the knots we've learned.' 

Birdy: 'Eh, we could get to the good stuff faster if you do it. GTG, ttyl, hot stuff!'

And it's only when Dabi sees a spark leave his lips on his next exhale that he realizes that he's so... angry. Angry in a way he hasn't felt himself get in a long time, but angry in a way that makes him think that if he let his flames escape his skin, he wouldn't stop burning until his fire chased Hawks through the sky-- 

Dabi tries to take a deep breath, and when he can only taste smoke in the back of his throat, he goes into the shower and cranks the water as cold as it can go, staying there until the smoke stops spilling from his skin and his body is just left frigid and shivering when he goes to lay back down. 

///

The next day, Shigaraki reminds them that they need to go to the clinic to get their STI tests done if they want to be admitted to the club on Saturday. They only have until Friday afternoon at three if they want their results by the next day, and he doesn't want any of them to miss out on the opportunity if they want to see kink in practice or try it out themselves if they're in the market for that. He doesn't push, but Dabi is pretty sure he's the only person who hasn't actually gone to the clinic. He hadn't been planning on going to the club on Saturday. Going to these classes had felt alright, like he wasn't really doing anything wrong because it was all an educational setting and there wasn't any chance of this becoming an orgy or crossing the line into anything actually sexual. Whereas going to the club felt more... overtly bad. He knows he's clean because Hawks is the only person he's slept with in years, and he knows the hero isn't cheating on him because if he wanted to drive himself absolutely insane, he could very easily map out every single second of the hero's day from news reports and fansites. He doesn't want to do that, and another part of his mind sparks with something mean and bitter as it reminds him that Hawks wouldn’t have the energy to try and cheat on him. He can't even put any energy into being--

Dabi tries to shake those angry thoughts, knowing that they don't do him any good and just make him more upset. Hawks is the number three hero in Japan. He grew up knowing how little time for a home life the number two had, and holding that against Hawks when he knew what he was getting into is just petty and in bad faith. He knows better than that. But he is quiet during the class today. Shigaraki brought in a huge array of sex toys and fetish gear and talked them through finding reputable sellers, good materials, how to sanitize different ones, and how to take care of others, including things like latex which requires special storage and upkeep to make sure that it stays looking its best and doesn't get damaged between uses. It's all interesting, and Dabi tries to pay attention, but he doesn't really manage it. 

And at the end of class, Shigaraki comes over to his table and takes the seat across from him as the other students file out of the room. Dabi never got in trouble at school, he was always too desperate to prove that he was the best at school and his training, but he imagines that the dread inside of him that comes now is a similar feeling to what he would have gotten when he was young. 

"Hey, I just wanted to check in. You seemed a little out of it today, did you remember your colors, Dabi?" His voice is gentle and worried and that makes Dabi feel even worse. 

"I remember them," he says quickly. "I wasn't uncomfortable." 

"Then is there something else on your mind that I can help you with?" Shigaraki sounds so sure, so understanding, and he is looking at him. Taking the time to check-in on him when it would have probably been easier for him to just shoo him along so he can go about whatever other business he has to do today.

"I... tried to bring things up with my partner." He says after a second. "He was into some of it-- he even told me a fantasy of his. But... when I suggested that he take a little more control, he turned me down. W-we were just texting, so it's not like he could see how much that disappointed me, but I don't know. It just made me think that maybe there isn't a reason for me to keep coming to these classes. He's never going to--" he stops himself again, holding his tongue because he doesn't want to say that. He doesn't want to put it in the air. If he does that then he can never take it back. 

"I think," Shigaraki says after a moment, still watching him with that same measured look, "That these classes are for you first and foremost. They're something you decided to do because you were interested in them and the things you learn here are ones you'll be able to use for the rest of your life, whether or not you stay partners with this person for all of that time. If you enjoy what you're learning, then learn it for you-- not him. To me," Shigaraki says, his tone shifting a bit, but in a way that Dabi can't put a name to, "It seems like you're already doing a lot for him. I think you should spend the rest of the week thinking about the things that you want to do." 

Dabi has always thought he was doing the things he wanted. He left his father's home because he wanted to be something other than the failed son, he threw himself into this craft because he wanted to make a name for himself unconnected to his family name, he's been a good partner because he... wanted to prove that he wasn't made of the same things as his father. He sees who he is and how every echo that shaped him is just in response to where he started and that is a new layer of horribleness that he is suddenly made aware of that he absolutely loathes. "I... don't know." 

"That's okay too, but thinking about it won't hurt. Has there been anything that we've talked about in class that has piqued your interest? Not something to do with the partner that you have now, but an ideal fantasy?" When Dabi feels like he's just desperately clawing through his mind for one real thing that he wants, that isn't just... attention from the people he always gives all of his attention to in turn, and he doesn't move to speak, Shigaraki takes pity on him again. "I don't have a full-time sub right now." He says honestly, watching him from across the table with unwavering red eyes. "I want one, very badly. I want a full-time power exchange. I want him to live in my apartment and abide by the schedule I leave him, wear the clothes I pick out for him, and only feel good when it's my hands on his body or when I've given him permission to touch. I imagine how much of a relief I would feel checking in with him throughout the day and seeing if he was following along with the schedule and then getting to spoil him with rewards or punishments depending on his answer. I would adore getting to dress him up, maybe in latex, maybe leather, maybe tight bodices, or frilly skirts, or maybe walking him naked through the club with only my collar around his neck and a leash taut to keep him at my side. I would love to show him off and make sure that everyone knew that out of anyone else I could pick, he was the person I chose to spend my time with. I would love to teach him how many ways he could be broken and put back together without ever feeling shattered-- or ever doubting that I would make sure he was together again before we were finished."

Dabi listens, his attention clinging onto every word that Shigaraki says, his skin growing warm with something other than his quirk when he hears the things that he says, when he imagines what it would be like to be the one at the center of someone else's world. When he thinks about how... good it would feel to be adored in his subservience. Not made to feel lesser, not used up completely with the only thing that matters being what he can give the people around him. He wonders how good it could be, and he stands up from the table abruptly, meaning to leave as quickly as he can. 

Shigaraki stands too, "Dabi--" There's heat in his voice that makes a tremble go through his whole body and his step falter even before the other man has wrapped four fingers around his wrist and pulled him to a stop. 

"I can't--" The words slip out immediately, and like a shark scenting blood, Shigaraki locks onto them even as Dabi's hand flies up to his mouth like he could catch them from the air and put them back in his throat. It's not 'I can't', it's 'stop, let go of me, don't touch me' hell it's 'this is inappropriate, I want my money back' territory. 

But Dabi didn't say any of those other things and Shigaraki is quick, and he's strong, and... Dabi isn't fighting him when he pulls him to a stop, catches his hips, and pushes him up against the wall, his body not quite pressing into his, but blocking him in so completely that the world beyond them feels like it's falling away. He holds him in place as those red eyes burn into his body and he doesn't let him escape his gaze. 

"You are so talented, charming, and beautiful. You are so ready to be a good submissive for someone and the person you're with doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve their treatment. You should be cherished, pampered, adored. I would love to be the one responsible for showing you that, Dabi. I would make certain that you knew every day how happy it made me if you were mine. I would reward you every night as we figured out what kind of treatment would excite you most. Maybe I would talk myself hoarse every night telling you what a good job you did following instructions that day. Maybe you would want a reminder of how to be good and you would lay across my lap to get maintenance spankings. Maybe you wouldn't be able to sleep without warming my cock in your needy hole after how completely you've been neglected for so long. And I would help you figure all of that out. I would do my best to make sure that you never dropped again, and if you did-- there would never be anything more important to me than taking care of the person who trusted me so completely. I will take care of you, Dabi." 

And that horrible broken ache in his chest is so much worse than it has been, but even just that makes Dabi acknowledge that his chest has been hurting for a long time. It hurt so bad and so much that he made himself numb to it instead of feeling it. He's been running away from things, burying his head in the sand, making excuses the way-- the way--

"Red," Dabi's voice cracks as he croaks out the word, his eyes burning as they fill with unshed tears. 

Shigaraki lets go of him immediately, his expression going from intense to remorseful in a second as he takes two steps back so that he's not even within arm's reach of Dabi, but before he can say anything else, Dabi is racing out of the room. He manages to flag down a cab and tell them where he's going before he's pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes and doing his best to muffle his sobs as the car pulls away from the building. 

///

It's hours later, Dabi's mouth feeling dry, his head pounding, and a horrible sourness in his gut that he isn't sure is ever going to go away, before he realizes that he doesn't have his phone, he left it at La Vénus, and he needs to talk to Hawks tonight. Dabi feels awful, but he trudges to the bathroom, leaving the light off so he doesn't have to see himself, and he washes his face before he gets his coat and goes back to the door. 

It's a horrible walk of shame that brings him back to the club that already has a modest line out the front door as people have to show their IDs and tests to get into the building. Dabi's skin prickles with discomfort the closer to the front of the line he gets, knowing that he won't be allowed inside, but when it's his turn he shows his ID and starts to speak before the bouncer can force him to leave, 

"I don't have a test-- I don't want to go to the club. I'm a student in some of the educational programs in the afternoon, and I accidentally left my phone at the front desk. I really need it tonight, could I please just run to the front desk and grab it? My name is Dabi, I'm on the class registry." 

The woman who was looking at IDs has got at least ten centimeters on him, but as she listens to his rambling she reaches for a walkie talkie at her belt and buzzes the desk, asking if there are any personal belongings under his name there. His phone is found and returned to him in a matter of minutes. But when it's returned, it does so in a red gift bag and Dabi doesn't bother to question it right now. Not when all he wants to do is get as far away from here as possible. He makes his way down the street, wanting to find somewhere that is more private than his hotel with paper thin walls and that isn't going to be as stiflingly confined as actually being inside. 

It's been a long time since he did something so delinquent, but he wanders until he finds a building that is off in the middle of nowhere that doesn't have a particularly high fence, with darkness in every window, and then he hops the fence and climbs the fire escape up to the roof. He sits down on the edge, letting his legs dangle off, the glow of street lamps and the light pollution of the city ambient enough for him to see through as he extracts his phone from the bag first, and then goes after whatever is tangled up in the crisp white tissue paper. 

The first thing he finds is an envelope and even though he doesn't know if he wants to see what Shigaraki had to say, he still opens it up. 

'Dabi, 

You have my sincerest apologies for my inappropriate behavior today. While you are welcome to continue to attend my class, or the later afternoon session that has a different teacher, or the club on Saturday or at any other point in the future, your payment has been refunded in full. I'm certain that monetary repayment isn't enough for the distress that I have caused you, and I can only hope that an apology is enough for now, or until you feel comfortable with presenting me another way I can make amends. 

I'm certain that you do not want to hear this from me, but the 'partner' that you talk about with such reverence, doesn't seem to be worthy of the care and attention that you put into caring for him when he cannot be bothered to return those affections in kind. I hope that no matter what path your life takes, that you can come to terms with that in your own time and find a way that allows you to be happy with the acts of service that you do with someone who cherishes them for what they are worth. 

It was a pleasure to meet you if I don't have the honor of seeing you again, and I hope you know that you leave a lasting impression on anyone whose path you do cross-- even if you don't end up putting your ink in their skin. 

-Tomura Shigaraki'

Dabi doesn't want to let the words shake anything else loose in his chest and he puts the envelope back into the bag and takes out the other item. It's three books. Two of them he recognizes as ones that Shigaraki talked about being good ways to learn if they wanted to keep doing so outside of the class. The third is probably something that he picked up from the convention, because it's an art book that has different styles of tattoos from all around the world. Dabi has a copy of it already, something he got himself for his birthday last year when Hawks said that he would be too busy to come home to celebrate with him and he'd run out of time to do any shopping, so he'd told him to just pick something out for himself. Dabi wants to burn it as he stares at the glossy cover, but he manages to refrain if only because he's not sure that he would stop if he let himself start to burn. 

Dabi pushes himself up from the ledge and starts to pace as he texts Hawks. 

Dabi: Can you call me?

There's no response right away and Dabi can't stand that. He normally waits. He always has to wait because Hawks is a hero. He's busy. He's saving people and Dabi isn't selfish enough to pretend that he is more important than that. Not usually. But right now he needs to be selfish. He calls the other man. 

It goes to voicemail. Dabi knows his frequency for his coms channel for his agency and he logs into it from his phone, listening to see if there is any chatter about a fight going on, but all he hears are some of the sidekicks talking about picking up a late dinner. 

So he calls Hawks again. And again, and after three calls going to voicemail, the hero finally answers. 

"Jeez, what's going on, hot stuff? Never had you blow me up like this. Is it an emergency? I'm not going to be home tonight, I'm still at work." He says that and something in Dabi snaps and goes white-hot with his rage, sparks flying out of his mouth as he snarls back, 

"I know you're at work! I know you're not home! Do you even remember where I am tonight?" It's been a long time since Dabi raised his voice and he doesn't know if he's ever done it to Hawks, but if it's between keeping his words or his flames contained, then he has a very important choice to make and he's... not going to ruin his life over Hawks. 

"Whoa, calm down, hot stuff. What's going on? Why are you so steamed? Smoked?" He makes a joke and Dabi's mouth goes. 

"I'm still in Kamino, for my vacation after the convention I was so excited about being accepted for."

"Oh! Right, sorry about that." Hawks doesn't seem upset. He laughs. "You were going to some classes," he can hear the way that the bird waggles his eyebrows suggestively whenever he's making his allusions as he says that word. "Oh! Is that what this is about? Something happen that got you all hot and bothered. Sure I could swing by Kamino real quick if you can make it worth my while, Dabs."

Dabi has never had anger burn so brightly inside of him that it turns to... nothing. To a wave of calm that is so deep and so thorough for a moment that as he starts speaking again, he doesn't have room in him for doubt or hesitation anymore. "Yeah, I heard something very hot, and it made me think: I'm not happy with what we're doing in bed anymore." 

There's a pregnant pause on the other end of the line and when Hawks doesn't find his words immediately for once, Dabi keeps talking. 

"I don't like always topping when we're together. I don't like the fact that when I'm exhausted after spending eight hours crouched over someone, knowing that any fuck-up I could make will stick with them for the rest of their life, I then have to rush home to make you dinner and clean the apartment, and then know that I have to be the world's most attentive dildo because otherwise you'll squawk and pout about how your needs aren't being met while I'm doing so much that it feels like I'm dying." 

"Woah, hey, where is all of this coming from?" And Hawks finally sounds like he's actually taking him seriously, for once, and he sounds annoyed when he adds, "This isn't an emergency and I am at work, Dabi. I don't have time for this." 

And the fire comes back. It explodes, through his veins, out of him in a blast of fire that vents out through the uncovered parts of his skin and leaves them tingling with the pain of a light burn from how hot they come and how quickly they dissipate like a flash bang. “You're ALWAYS at work! You never have time for me! But you expect me to make time for you! You expect me to call off work, and clean the apartment, and cook for you, and fuck you however you want without ever asking me what I want! I know your schedule back to front and you don't even remember when I tell you I'm going somewhere for eight months before it happens! You didn't even ask me how the convention went! I won two awards! I'm not changing the world, I might not be a hero, but that doesn't mean that I'm not important! Is this all I have to look forward to? Being your house husband who doesn't exist in the eyes of the public because your image is more important than I ever will be to you?"

"Okay, sorry. Fuck, I didn't realize that not asking about your day was such a big deal. But you cannot honestly be telling me that you think me calling to check in how your day is going is more important than my hero work. Come on, Dabi. I don't know what's gotten into you, but be reasonable." 

Dabi doesn't cry. He doesn't scream anymore. This time he knows it's hopeless before he goes and destroys himself in pursuit of someone who absolutely does not deserve him. "I shouldn't have ever had to be measured against that. You should have made time and room for both if you wanted to have both when you asked me to move in with you. I'll leave my key under the mat. We're done." 

And he hangs up. He pauses, waiting for a moment to see if Hawks calls him back, if he sends him a text, but he doesn't get one. He hates that he can just imagine Hawks shaking out his feathers, rolling his eyes, stretching, and then going right back to his sidekicks to keep being the golden hero. He'll probably either tell him to buy himself something or just have his personal assistant send flowers to the apartment. That's what he did the first time that he forgot their anniversary and Dabi had been mad at him. He had someone else buy him a present, and then he doted on him a bit when he'd come home, until Dabi 'got over it' and had gone right back to doing the same thing again. Dabi had convinced himself that was alright, like Rei had convinced herself that she could survive in his father's house and like how Fuyumi had deluded herself that they could all be a happy family again. Not anymore. Dabi picks up the gift bag and climbs back down, blocking Hawks's number before he looks up where the nearest open department store is and if there's any way that he can get from Kamino to Fukuoka tonight. 

///

He arrives back at the apartment just after sunrise with three suitcases that he bought on his way back. He goes inside and finds that the air is stale, Hawks only having come home maybe once based on the fucking take-out container that is stinking up the apartment and that has already bred fruit flies from being left there. Because Hawks is used to him going around and cleaning up after him. Dabi has been living here for two years, but he... doesn't want anything. Not a damn thing that is in this house. He just goes in and gets the things that are important. Legal documents that he has to have, his clothes, his sketchbooks, but there is nothing that he looks at in this house that has some sort of sentimental value that he feels the need to hold onto. And he's not about to find out if Hawks can be as vindictive as his father was, so he makes sure to get a picture of every room with timestamps on, just in case, and then he locks up and puts his key under the welcome mat he bought for the place. 

He takes his shit and goes to the tattoo parlor, and as soon as Simon sees the bags he gives him a look that tells Dabi that he's been waiting for this to happen. It only doesn't make him angry or hurt because at least Simon doesn't protest at all when Dabi says, "I think I'm finally ready to try guesting at other studios around the country. Do you still have any offers for me?" 

"Yeah, I've got a few, come sit down and we can take a look." Thankfully, his friend doesn't offer him any condolences or ask him how he's doing. He just brings him to the office and opens up a folder he's saved in his email with the inquiries that have been sent their way. "You got three more since last weekend," he says, his tone trying to be encouraging. 

"Are any of them near Kamino? I... didn't actually check out of my hotel yet." He realizes dimly. He is going to have to go back, though at least he shouldn't be in too bad of a spot on that front given it's Friday and he won't have to check out until Sunday. 

Simon hesitates, but he does click over to one of the inquiries. "There is one, it's a relatively new shop, only three years old with only a few reviews and a pretty barren online presence, but somehow it's on one of the most populated streets and seems to be doing very well for itself even though none of the artists there have a very large online presence either." And Dabi wanted to be a hero since he was a child, so he feels very sure when he says, 

"Yakuza?" 

"Not in Kamino," And he knows Simon uses his quirk, the ability to get people to follow his command if he uses his command phrase, for off-the-books illicit activities. He knows his main side hustle is with some black market mob doctor because when they can't get anesthetics, all Simon has to do is command someone to slow their breathing, go numb, or go to sleep, and their brains rush to follow his orders. It's shady business, but Dabi never wanted to see him go to Tartarus for it, especially not when he knew that Hawks would have absolutely brought him in for it. "Someone new owns Kamino, took over about three years ago, same time this place popped up, so I'm guessing this is one of their laundering businesses." 

"Is it the kind of person I should be worried about if I go there and do some tattoos for a week?" 

"No, from what I hear he's pretty level-headed. I don’t think he'd bother you as long as you keep your mouth shut, and I can vouch for you there. Just, uh, maybe don't tell anyone who your ex is?"

"Okay, can you set it up for me?" Normally Dabi takes care of his business stuff on his own, but all he wants to do after a sleepless night is go back to his hotel room and sleep back all the time he lost to Hawks. How the fuck can that feel as bad as losing the years that he did to a fucking coma?

"Yeah, no problem Dabi. Sorry." 

He doesn't thank him for his condolences, just the work that he's willing to do for him as he gets back on his feet before he goes back to Kamino. 

///

Dabi didn't eat anything on Friday, he realizes as he wakes up absolutely ravenous on Saturday morning. His eyes still hurt from the late night bout of crying that got to him after he'd gone to the front desk and extended his stay again. Coming back to the room with his life in four bags around him had been too much and he'd shattered apart again. But he's starving, he has to think about his savings and next steps and generally get his life together now. He can't just stick his head in the sand and wait for things to not suck as much as they do right now. He's been doing that for two years and he'll be dead in a ditch before he wastes another day on that kind of bullshit. 

He goes down to the hotel shop and picks up whatever instant stuff they have so he can eat, and then he comes back to the room, shoving it into his mouth as he opens his email. Simon forwarded him other offers, and told him that the studio is happy to host him for the next two weeks starting on Monday, and that he's free to start posting on socials about it and they will be doing the same. He immediately goes and uploads the pictures he has of his winning designs from last weekend and says that he'll be there and if anyone wants to book something with him, he'd be happy to do so. 

Then he replies to the other two spots that want him to take up work with them, booking out the next two weeks after this spot, and then the next two weeks after that. He texts Natsuo and asks if he can store his non-essentials at his place for a few weeks while he's traveling for a bit, and his brother offers to commiserate with him, but Dabi shoots it down. He's not going to be sad over this. He's been sad for years now, he's realizing, and he's ready to go back to working hard for himself, not for someone else who doesn't care about him. 

And as he's going through his emails, he gets one from La Vénus. It tells him that today at three is the final chance for him to be tested if he wants to attend the 'graduation' event tonight and get into the club. He was pretty certain that Shigaraki said that the last day was Friday, and he fully intends on closing that email and moving on with what else he needs to get in a row now that he doesn't have an apartment anymore. But he glances at the clock and it's only ten in the morning. 

When was the last time he went out? Two years? Three? He stopped partying and drinking out in public because Hawks always got so pouty and mournful that he couldn't do that too because of his public image. Dabi stopped in solidarity with him, not because he stopped liking those things as a fun treat every once in a while. And he won't even have to pay the door fee at La Vénus. He can just go in and use the refunded class fee to get absolutely plastered and have a good time. And maybe if someone wants to push him up against a wall and have their way with him, maybe that could be good too. Dabi goes to the clinic. 

By the time he's finished, his results promised within the next eight hours which will put them as ready well before the club opens for the night, he decides that he wants to dress up. Dress less like a house husband and more like the way he used to when he wanted people to see his tattoos. Before Hawks told him he should try to look nondescript because when they would risk going out on dates at the beginning, there was still always a chance that someone might recognize him and try to look into Dabi and find out about their relationship like it was a dirty secret. 

He scrolls on his phone to find the shops that La Vénus recommended in the area for different fetish gear and finds a place that focuses on fashion. He heads over, and by the time he gets his results back from the clinic that declares him clean and ready to go, he's at a salon not too much further down the street, getting his hair bleached and his nails painted properly for the first time in ages. It's all money he spent and got back from the classes in the first place, and he is tired of making himself smaller for other people. 

///

When Dabi goes back to V that night, he gets in line with everyone else and as he gets to the front, once they see his test and ID, they tell him that he's welcome to go up and there's a graduation present waiting for him at the phone check. There he hands over his phone and is given back two golden coins with an impression of a Greek statue with a ball gag in her mouth, his two free drink tokens, a wristband that can be scanned to put drinks on his tab that he'll settle before getting his phone back, and a ticket that he can use to get a slot bumped up in the red rooms if he wants to use one and there's a waiting list. 

He goes up the elevator into the final waiting area before actually being able to enter the play room and he puts his coat into one of the lockers, already so warm that he knows he'll be sweltering if he keeps it on. And he... looks like he belongs. He was surprised to find baggy shiny vinyl tripp pants when he went to the shop, but the fishnet tank top and chest harness were much more along the lines of what he wanted, and he knows he looks striking with the winding and jagged black ink along his arms, chest, and back against his pale skin and his freshly bleached hair. Black was what he wore for years to keep people from paying too much attention to him. Now he wants all eyes on him. 

Dabi goes to the first room, the one mostly like a normal club area, gets his first drink and downs it as quickly as possible, and then throws himself into the crowd, the sharp tang of sweat filling the air alongside layers of cologne and perfumes that paired with the changing lights and thrumming music make the dancefloor a dizzying cacophony of sound as they go. 

Dabi dances for a long time, letting strangers hold onto him and pull him close, before he slips out of their grips if he thinks they might ask him to pull away into one of the other corners in the room so that they can have their way with him. He doesn't want that, he just wants to have a good time and when he's sweating and needs to separate himself from the overwhelming heat and crush of bodies, he slips out of that room and into the red hallway.

The rooms are all filled, the curtains open, and people are sitting off to the side of the main hall, watching as the various shows of sexuality unfold on the other side of the glass. He wants to catch his breath, but not here. He passes through and glances around the lounge. There are two tangled piles of bodies on the large benches at the center of the room, but a glance around also shows him that there are people in laps or under tables at some of the booths as they find their pleasure easily and readily as they do so. 

He doesn't find what he wants in this room either, so he moves on. The dungeon is bumping as much as the other rooms, people strapped to breeding benches  or tied up, some with spreader bars holding open their legs so that their partners can press bits of ginger into their genitals or bring floggers and crops against them so that they're squealing and crying with the pain. Dabi feels like his legs get a little more unsteady as he turns and leaves that room, wondering what it would be like to be helpless like that as he lets his dom do whatever they want to him. He skips the wet room, not wanting to even chance seeing what is going on in there, and his skin goes unbelievably warmer when he looks at the pink room and sees all kinds of people dressed as puppies or kittens or in frilly skirts and dresses regardless of whatever gender they present as. But he doesn't find him there either. It's only as he goes into the strip club and sees that three of his classmates are still sitting at one of the tables, the others either gone for the night or having already found their fun elsewhere in the club. 

And Shigaraki is there. His long white hair is wild around his shoulders again and he's wearing a see-through black button down shirt, mostly open to show his tattoo on his chest, with intricate red flowers embroidered over it and black dress pants again. He's talking with the other students and doesn't see him as he comes into the room, and Dabi makes a b-line straight for him. 

He's at the edge of the table before Shigaraki glances over at him and his eyes widen slightly, and then he's climbing into his lap, straddling him with the edge of the table biting into his back as he hooks his hands over his strong shoulders before Shigaraki can say his name. 

He's kissing him hard before he can think better of any of his boldness. 

There's a split second where Shigaraki's lips are slack and surprised against his, but that goes away so quickly and then his hands, covered in leather half gloves, are wrapping tightly around his hips and his mouth is moving against his. Shigaraki kisses him like he wants to eat him alive. Like if he can't catch every breath and little gasp from his lips, then he won't be satisfied. And Dabi wants that. He wants to be so frantically and completely wanted, and the way that his whole body hums with pleasure when Shigaraki takes control, holding Dabi tighter, keeping their lips together even when Dabi tries to part for breath until he's decided that he can pull away, is so different from the way that sex has felt like... going through the motions for so long now. 

"Dabi," His voice is low and hot and he doesn't think he would be able to hear it over the pounding music if he weren't so close to him. 

"I want someone who will take care of me." He admits breathlessly. "I want to be good for someone who appreciates it. I want to be a sub." He says those things, wants those things, but he knows that Shigaraki hears what he doesn't say. That he wants to be his sub. That he wants him to be the one to take care of him, that he wouldn't have gotten this far without what he'd said to him, that he wants to feel as wanted as Shigaraki has made him feel in just this past week. 

"And I'm never going to give you reason to doubt wanting those things ever again, precious." Words given back to him with the same amount of heat that he's offered to him before, with a sureness that tells Dabi he isn't worried about being a homewrecker or a rebound. He knows what his domination, his affection, his words are worth, and there isn't an ego behind that the way that it always felt like Dabi was fighting ego and entitlement from the people around him, from himself, since he was so young. "I'm going to show you off over and over again here, baby boy, but not tonight. Tonight I want to take you upstairs, and I'm going to show you how good it will feel to let yourself give into anything I ask." 

Dabi knew that V wasn't technically on the actual top floor of the building, but he also doesn't know what's actually above them. Maybe some other love hotel rooms? He doesn't care. "I'll do anything, Sir." He breathes, his whole body suffused with heat already. He doesn't know if Shigaraki really will want to keep him, if this is something he says to anyone who shows up in his classes that he thinks is attractive and if he throws them aside when they've given him what he wants. But if he shows him a good time tonight and then throws him away in the morning, then that's just something that Dabi will deal with. All that matters to him right now is how good this can be and if, as he tries to figure out what new shape he wants his life to take, if he would rather have it be one that has BDSM in it or not. 

Shigaraki gives him another few kisses, hot, heavy ones that make Dabi's lips tingle from the bites an that he peppers there, his hands moving along Dabi's body as well, as he works his arousal up so quickly that he's starting to tent his pants well before they actually stand. When they do finally get up to take their leave, they do so with Shigaraki holding him by intertwining their pinky fingers and pulling him gently through the club, leading him when he doesn't yet have a leash around his throat. Dabi follows after him, his head far more foggy with arousal than the one drink he'd had however long ago that was.

He is expecting to go back to the lobby so they can get to the elevator, but Shigaraki blows past the bartenders working and to the door behind the bar, taking them through a kitchen behind that area and into the guts of the club behind the public-facing part. He takes him to a service elevator and keys in a code on a small number pad before the elevator start to ascend, Shigaraki turning his attention quickly away from that as he pushes Dabi up against the wall as he murmurs against his skin, nipping at his neck as he waits for him to answer, 

"What are you going to let me do to you, baby boy? You kept blushing so much in class that I couldn't tell if you were so excited about everything that you couldn't think straight, or if you just couldn't tell what you would like."

Dabi hasn't gotten to be the one to ask for something in bed from his partner for so long, but he doesn't just want to switch roles from what he's used to. No, he likes some of the things that he does, he wouldn't have started doing them if he didn't, but he does want it to be different. "Want to be good for you, Sir." He tells him. "Let me prove it?" Make demands, reward him when he does well, make him feel how good it can be to submit to someone who knows that's what he's been trying to do. He can be in control of his own life outside of this. He can take the years he wasted and put them away on a shelf somewhere else so that he doesn't have to think about them constantly anymore and still choose to give up control in the areas he wants to without ever having to doubt himself by thinking that means there wasn't a point in making the choice to leave the situation he was in before. 

"I can do that, precious. Do you want to hurt, baby? Or is your head already too heavy for that." 

Dabi doesn't care. He knows that they're supposed to do more negotiating, that they should practice with a pain scale, that there are a hundred other questions and conversations that they probably should have to make certain that this goes well, but he doesn't want to worry about any of that right now. He just wants to be fucked by this gorgeous man who tells him how much he wants better for him. "Green, Sir." 

He says and that has Tomura's mouth back against his as he reaches down to get a tight grip on his thighs. Dabi wraps his arms around his neck just as tightly, hopping up a little when prompted and a little surprised that Tomura is able to lift him so easily from the ground as he walks him back through the elevator doors as soon as they open. Dabi doesn't get a good look at where he's been brought, only hearing a faint tinkling bell from somewhere beyond them before Tomura is easily carrying him through the space they find themselves in. 

It takes a minute, but then he feels a door against his back and Dabi fumbles a hand to find the curved knob and opens the door. Tomura kicks it open the rest of the way so that he doesn't have to put Dabi down until his back is landing against a large, soft bed that Tomura sets him on. 

"You're so pretty flushed like that, baby." His hands, no longer needing to support him, move around from the back of his thighs to inside him, leather sliding against the vinyl less smoothly than he would want, but the firmness of his hands more than makes up for that. He presses down on the loose fabric, stretching it so that it is taut and so shiny even in the dim light of the room, the very faint sounds of the music from the club humming up from the floor. "And look at how excited you already are." His voice is a purr and it doesn't do anything to keep Dabi's cock from twitching, filling even faster. "How long has it been since you were allowed to feel good, precious?" 

"Tomura," his name is a whimper, not wanting to have to count how many weeks, months maybe, that it’s been since he got aroused because he really wanted it versus doing it out of obligation. 

Sir chuckles softly, "Alright, baby. Why don't you take off your clothes for me. I want to watch." 

Dabi's skin heats at being given his first order and he moves readily when Tomura shifts over him, allowing him up. He undoes his own shirt lazily, toeing off his shoes as Dabi slips to the edge of the bed and rushes to take off his boots, the strappy belt around his waist, the chest harness, mesh shirt, and finally get to his pants. Sir has less layers and before Dabi has even gotten to his tops, he's already stripped down to his dark red boxer briefs, distracting Dabi from his task as he watches him, his cock half hard as well and creating a large bulge in the front of the fabric. It has Dabi's twitching weakly beneath his pants, and he feels a humiliating gush of pre soak his boxer briefs as well as he sees the tattoos over his thighs too. An octopus and a shark entangled in a fight on one thigh, and a massive spider in its web crawling over one hip and down to his knee on the other side.

"All of your clothes, Dabi," he orders him, heat in his eyes as he watches him hesitate. 

Dabi's hands feel shaky from his arousal as he manages to undo his buttons and fly and then he lets the pants fall to the ground, kicking them away with his underwear so that the other man only sees how hard he is and not how hopelessly desperate he feels. 

"Gorgeous, precious. Come here, sit pretty for me." 

The slave positions that they went over in class take a second to filter back into his mind, but when they do, Dabi has to swallow hard to keep from drooling as his mouth waters, his knees hitting the floor quickly as he scrambles to kneel on the ground in front of Sir with his hands against his thighs as he looks up at him. 

As soon as he's in position, Tomura reaches for him, his leather gloves still on and the texture of them against his skin wonderful as he curls his fingers around the back of his neck and tilts his head up, a few straying up to play with his hair there. "You're already doing such a good job for me, baby. I'm so proud of you." 

The words fill him with more heat, but they also feel like they shake loose one of those shattered pieces of himself he's trying to put back into place. His eyes get wet and shame is hot and queasy in his gut as he realizes that just the soft praise, just actually feeling wanted instead of convenient, is pushing him towards tears alongside the orgasm he knows he'll get if Tomura keeps talking to him like that. 

"What's wrong, precious? Do we need to slow down?" 

Dabi barely manages to weakly shake his head, adding, "Green," so that the other man knows that no matter what is going on in his head, he still wants this. He's just a fucking mess about it. 

Thankfully, Shigaraki doesn't seem to mind that as he strokes his hair again before his other hand reaches into his undergarments and pulls out a long, thick cock that makes his mouth water again. "Alright, precious. You've been so well-behaved so far. Why don't you show me how good you are with that pretty tongue, and if you do a good job, when I'm nice and wet, I'll fuck your tight little hole until you can't think about anything but how full you are. Does that sound good, baby boy?" 

"Yes, Sir." Too good. There's no hiding how just the suggestion has his cock dripping again as it throbs with need between his legs. 

"Good boy, open wide." And he coaxes his head forward. Dabi smells his skin, clean and musky with whatever soap he used leaving its scent on his body, and the slight tang of salty sweat on him as he opens his mouth and leaves along his length. His hand doesn't push him so that he can get inside of his mouth as quickly as possible, his fingers don't tighten or leave scratches across his skin. He just... plays with Dabi's hair and pets him gently like an obedient animal, his eyes never looking away from him as he starts to lick along his length. His tongue finds winding veins beneath smooth skin as he traces them up to his head, making sure to get him so wet as he savors the weight of him. He knows that he'll like it even more with the girth of him stretching his jaw, and soon he has his lips fully around his head, Dabi coaxing his mouth wider so that he can sink further and further down on his length. He wants to lift a hand to wrap around his base, another to stroke the heavy balls sitting behind his length, but he is supposed to be a good sub right now. And his dom told him to sit pretty. He's going to show him that he can be just as good at sucking his cock as he can following orders, especially if it means that Sir might want to have him doing both more often. 

Dabi barely gets Sir all the way into the back of his throat, his nose pressed into the thatch of white curls at his pelvis, before he's moaning. He can't help it, his fingers biting into his tattooed thighs as he tries to not let himself go over the edge as he feels his breathing completely stoppered by the thick length that is settled so deeply in his throat. 

Sir feels his moan reverberate across his skin and his hand strokes through his hair again so gently. "Does that feel good, sweetheart?" He asks, his eyes on his and a small smile full of heat curving his lips. "It's such a shame you didn't realize that you were made to be on your knees, absolutely adored by the dom you chose to take care of you. You could have let yourself be so happy so much sooner-- but I'm glad I get to be your first, baby. I'm going to make sure that you always know just how precious your submission is." 

Dabi doesn't understand what those words do to his head, he just knows that they make him feel too good. And before he can try to pull off of his cock, before he can think to try and grab himself and tighten his hold to stop it, his cock is twitching hard and stars are going off behind his eyes as he feels his pleasure pulsing along his length. The orgasm he finds on his knees, with a cock deep in his throat, and with the knowledge that he's nothing but what he can be for the man above him, is stronger and more intense than any other he's had in years even though his cock has been completely untouched up to this point. 

Dabi moans weakly when Tomura eases his cock back, letting his head rest against Dabi's tongue, rubbing against his piercing there, as he leaks his own pre against it. That bitter, salty fluid only has another weak moan coming out of Dabi as he does it. 

"Oh, sweetheart," and the tone of condescension in his voice makes Dabi's softening prick twitch again with a delayed burst of pleasure as he feels how wet and sticky he's made his stomach from his cum. "So soon? And without waiting to get permission? We're going to have to have a longer talk about that later on, but I suppose that you won't have to be punished tonight. Not when I'm so intent on spoiling you rotten. Come here, precious." 

Tomura gets him to his feet, though Dabi stumbles like a baby deer as he does so. He gets him back onto the bed and makes him spread his legs wide before he reaches for ties that he sees are placed along the four posters of the bed, a stockade built into the foot. He ties the knots in barely a minute, tight enough that Dabi can't twist out of the ropes or close his legs if he wants to, and being so vulnerable, so exposed on the bed, with Sir looking at his soft cock and the mess that he made all over himself, his hole also visible to him at this angle as well. 

"You're so pretty like this, sweetheart," he purrs, his hands moving along his thighs and rubbing soft circles there, his head dipping so he can press kisses along the column of his throat and over his chest. He pauses to linger on his nipples, his tongue finding the skin-warmed metal of the barbells through each one, and teasing them until Dabi is letting out weak, breathy moans as his prick stings from being forced to start to build his arousal again after such an explosive orgasm before. Then Sir keeps moving lower, his tongue flicking out to taste the puddle of his spend that he left on his skin as he reaches across to the nightstand and grabs a bottle of lube out of it with practiced ease. 

When he pulls his mouth away from his skin it's to ask him, "How many times can you cum in one night, precious?" 

And just the question has him whimpering as his prick twitches hard, his nerves stinging with that sharp arousal as it goes through him. 

Sir's eyes flash with a dark satisfaction when Dabi doesn't have an answer for him. Once, maybe twice? It's been a long time since he got to focus on his own pleasure. It might not have ever been a thing he's done in any of his past relationships, and the time he's only spent masturbating for quick, easy relief. "Then tonight, your punishment for cumming without asking me, or even warning me that you were getting close, is going to be cumming over and over until your pretty cock can't make another mess. Does that sound fair, baby boy?" 

Dabi is dizzy, the smell of smoke on his breath as he barely manages to say, "Yes, Sir." 

"Good boy." 

And then Tomura's mouth is back on his skin. His fingers find Dabi's hole and he opens him up, reminding him just how good it can feel to have something inside of him as he works him up until his prostate is tingling at every touch and his prick is hard again. He gets him so close to the edge and then slips his digits out of him, replacing them with his cock at such an achingly slow pace, not to savor it, but because he wants to watch Dabi try so hard to hold on, and fail again as he cums so hard before Tomura is fully sheathed inside of his body. He fucks him long and slow, holding off his own orgasm with a control Dabi can't even concieve of as he fucks him deep, showing him how good it is to be stretched after so long of going without. 

He fills him up eventually, but only after Dabi has sobbed through his third orgasm, and even then, he's still not done, curling around Dabi's restrained form and reaching down to keep playing with his cock after he's pressed a thick, vibrating plug deep inside of him to keep his prostate stimulated and his insides warm and wet with Sir's cum. It feels so good, bad, sharp, as pleasure is made to dance along his nerves until the intensity of it turns to pain. And still on it goes. Tomura tells him how pretty he is crying, what a good boy he is, remembering his safe words when he checks in, and he doesn't stop. Not until Dabi has his face turned to cry against his skin as he manages a forth meager orgasm, his cock barely hard for it, and only a little drip of cum managing to slip from his tip. Sir gathers that on his finger and brings it to Dabi's mouth, and he latches onto that, tears still dripping down his cheeks, as Sir says that's enough for now, and gives him a kiss on the forehead before he unties him from the bed. 

Dabi isn't expecting him to then massage away the red lines on his ankles from how hard he'd been pulling at them. He doesn't expect the other man to pick him up and carry him to the bathroom, to a big spa tub that he fills with warm water as he makes Dabi bend over the sink so he can watch himself in the mirror as he starts to ease the plug out of his ruined hole. Dabi cries fresh when it still hurts so much, feels so good, that he has another orgasm. Not from his cock, but from deep inside of him and that rolls through his whole body and makes his legs weak as he watches Sir's cum drip down his thighs. 

 Tomura kisses his skin as he cleans up the mess across his body before he gets him into the tub, washing him more thoroughly until his skin is clean and his head is heavy and floaty with exhaustion. He feels like he's on the verge of passing out when Tomura carries him back to the bedroom and sits him at the trunk at the foot of the bed, making him drink a glass of cool, refreshing water as he changes the sheets. And when that's all done, instead of zipping away with an excuse or asking him to get his clothes and go, he brings Dabi back into the bed and pulls him close again. He wraps his arms around him and lets Dabi's fingers trace the lines of the tattoo that he'd given him, until his eyes grow too heavy and he slips away from the world. 

///

When Dabi wakes up the next morning, he is exhausted. His ass hurts, his cock hurts, and he is very confused because there is a different sharper pain against his lower back that is more needle-like and heavy as he comes out of sleep. He tries to shift, feeling that he's still pulled close in Tomura's embrace, and as soon as he shifts, that sharp weight moves. It scurries up his back and Dabi gets a blur of white against his face before he's stepped on as a pure white cat walks right over him so that it can stand right next to Shigaraki's head on the pillow and yowl loudly. 

Tomura's eyes open, just a bit, just with a little glare, and he grumbles. "I have a guest, Onigiri." 

The cat flicks its tail in clear response to what it thinks of that as Dabi starts to straighten a little. Tomura lets him, sitting up as well, the cat moving to sit on its owner's lap, as they all three regard each other for a minute, before Shigaraki starts to pet the animal with his still-gloved hand before the other reaches to curl gently around the back of Dabi's neck again. He pulls him closer and Dabi knows his morning breath tastes like ash, but Tomura doesn't seem to care about that as he kisses him as slowly and sweetly as he did the night before. 

"Stay for breakfast?" He asks when they part, and Dabi only manages to nod a bit before the other is starting to pull him back in for another kiss. This one is a little hotter than the first, but it doesn't go anywhere as the cat informs them once again that it too would like breakfast first and foremost.

///

It's probably bad form to get together with someone else immediately after leaving another relationship, but Dabi can't bring himself to care. The morning after their first time, Tomura had called off anything he had to do for the day and spent hours with Dabi. He listened to him talk the way that he had before, and he made it clear that he was more than willing to wait for however long Dabi needed if he wasn't actually ready to commit to something long-term or casual right now. He would have just been happy to have him for however long he was able to have him. He also told Dabi, upfront, that the tattoo parlor he had accepted the guest spot at, was one of his other businesses, and when Dabi had been confused about that, he'd very gently let him know that he was the owner of V, not just an instructor, that his penthouse is the upper floor of the club, something he'd thought Dabi had known because that information is on the 'about us' section of the website. Thankfully, he hadn't made Dabi linger on that too long, and Dabi asked for a week to think about this and see how he was feeling before they had a more serious conversation about where to go from here, if there is actually anywhere or if the chemistry on Dabi's side had just been his desperation to reach out and find someone who was giving him the attention that he wasn't getting before. 

Tomura had been kind and understanding about that, had let him work the full period unperturbed at the tattoo shop that is absolutely a money laundering scheme, and moved the fuck on. When they met back up for coffee and a conversation at the end of the week, they had both gotten banned from the restaurant and only escaped possible arrest from the bribe Tomura had given them because Dabi got way too loud when they'd ended up in the bathroom, Tomura's hand down his pants as he told him how many ways he was looking forward to having him if he still wanted to be his. 

He still went to the other places that he'd lined up before, went back to Fukuoka to stick around with Simon until he hired a replacement, and within three months, he was back in Kamino, his stuff moved into the apartment alongside Tomura's. In seven months, a day collar became a permanent addition to his attire. 

And after a year, he knows that he's being good waiting for Sir to come back from his last meeting of the night, dinner already made and just waiting for them to eat before they decide what to do with the rest of the night. He knows that when he sees what he made for him, he'll be happy, that he'll reward Dabi for the effort and especially be pleased that Dabi was able to get through every other task on his schedule today. Those thoughts keep him from getting too angry when he thinks about the news that aired earlier. 

Tomura comes upstairs through the elevator instead of the door, so he must have been doing final checks before opening the club, and as soon as he steps inside, both he and Onigiri who was playing with his ribbon chaser perk up. 

"Welcome home," he says as he immediately sits up as the cat races off to purr and rub around Tomura's legs. 

"Thank you, firefly. Did you have a good day?" He asks as he moves over to the conversation pit and steps down so that he can give Dabi a kiss as Oni demands pats as well. 

"Work was good." He manages, but when he can't say much more than that, Tomura frowns slightly and shoos Onigiri out of the way enough so that he can sit down with him on the couch. 

"But?" He prompts gently. 

He lets Dabi press against his side as he mumbles. "All Might retired." 

And he knows that Tomura has no love for heroes, All Might especially, though he hasn't ever elaborated why, though Dabi suspects it has something to do with the mysterious dearly departed adoptive father who somehow bequeathed Tomura a wide variety of quirks he hides from the public. And while he tries to conduct his business mostly in the shadows, his hatred of heroes is well known, even getting into a public fight with Midnight over not allowing her entry to the club because she turned up thinking that she would be able to get in without having a clean test because she's the 'symbol of BDSM' in Japan. But he feels how his lover tenses as he says that. "Why is that bothering you, baby?" He asks, and no matter his feelings on the subject, he's gentle about it, ready to listen to him and understand where he's coming from, which gives Dabi the resolve to say the words that he has been avoiding for years now, even before he ever met Tomura. 

"Endeavor's number one now. He's... my father, and he only ever had kids because he thought that we would get him to that goal instead. Treated us like shit when we couldn't do what he wanted, and when my quirk got too powerful for my body, he threw me aside like trash. He hasn't ever looked for me in all of the years since I left the house. Pisses me off that he got to his goal by default." 

Tomura doesn't say anything at all for a minute, but when he does speak again, it's after he's wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry, firefly. But I hope you know your worth more than he ever made you feel." He says sweetly, and Dabi doesn't know if he'll ever fully believe that, but he does know that he's more primed to since Tomura came into his life than he was before it. "And if you want the number one and two heroes destroyed, all you have to do is say the word, precious. I can make sure that they hurt. Whether you want their heads on a spike or you just want them to watch as their polished images crumble apart around them." 

He hasn't ever told him just how much of a villain, or a criminal, he is, but Dabi doesn't doubt for a second that he would do exactly that to both of them. He thought Tomura might go out into the street and rip Hawks's wings off with his bare hands the very first time Dabi had told him who he was after Hawks did an interview with some magazine and told them the sad story of how he'd been cruelly left by his partner, making it sound like Dabi had been unreasonable and selfish, thinking he was more important that the rest of the country, and who just up and left him heartbroken out of the blue. But for now, just knowing that kind of ruthlessness is an option, that Tomura will ignore any long-term plans he's clearly been working on to change this world so that he can be certain that something isn't hurting Dabi, is enough for him.

He shakes his head to have him hold off and Tomura presses another kiss to his temple before he reaches for the sketchbook that Dabi abandoned shortly before he'd come in. "This looks so good, firefly." He says, looking at the celestial moth with a shattered crown that he has been working on for a few weeks now. 

Dabi manages to push away some of his frustration, anger, helplessness, and focus on what actually matters to him right now. "Yeah? Is there anything that you want me to change? It's going to be on your body forever." 

"No, it's perfect, Dabi, and I can't wait to show it off. Did you find out if it has to all be done during the contest?" They are able to shift to talking about their days, about what they're going to do over the next few days, and Tomura never lets an effort he makes to be good for him go to waste. It's taken a while, but that's helped Dabi to be happy with what he can do, what he is for himself, instead of only finding value in what he can be for the people around him. If he and Tomura broke up tomorrow, he would still have a thriving career, he would know that he could find someone else, that he could be worthy of falling in love again and not accept being given the bare minimum in a relationship.

He just also knows that he's not ever going to let Tomura go. No matter if the heroes, his business rivals, or anyone else comes after him. Dabi would go villain too, burn down the whole world before he let someone pull them apart, and it's the right thought for him to linger on, because by the time dinner is over, he's starting to get warmer and Sir immediately notices, eager to fan the flames hotter beneath his skin without worrying about getting burned as he does. 

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, please consider leaving a comment/ask. If you'd like to get a commission, consider checking out my guidelines, which can be found right here! Commissions are currently 50% off throughout the month of June!

[fawnnlvr]

IMAGINE THIS before spencer reid was banned from casinos, he met you. an interesting, charming girl who had as much skill and perception skills as he did, but he knew you were absolutely psychotic.

being a child prodigy, he was a young psychology student getting his doctorate at MIT and occasionally flew back to las vegas to visit his mother. during that time is when he met you.

he understood that you were what psychologists would consider a compulsive gambler but that was something different about the way you gambled. like any compulsive gambler, you took pleasure in the risk and fun. whether you losed or won money, it didn't matrer, you were always winning when it came to enjoying the game.

you two interacted many times. he found you overbearingly social and you often praised him for his skills. he always avoided gambling high stakes with you even though he was confident in his skills. he didn't participate in any game you were gambling in, choosing to stay on the sidelines.

when the two of you were banned, he didn't see you again after that. he moved on with his life and finished college, before heading straight to the fbi. although he cannot lie and say there wasn't a day where he thought where you ended up in life. if you were still compulsively gambling away large amounts of money.

luckily he didn't have to wander for too long when he met you again in a random club while he was working on a case with his fellow agents. he immediately recognized your voice and whem you spotted him, you immediately went up to hug him and speak about how its been too long.

the bau agents looked really confused as you excitedly greeted their socially awkward doctor. they were also concerned because they watched as you bet ten thousand and won.

doctor reid uses that opportunity to question you about the unsub he is looking for. thankfully he was able to rule you out as a suspect since the person they are looking for is a man in his late twenties to early thirties. when they first profiled a compulsive gambler, thoughts of you flooded his head.

he understood you had an addiction. (maybe the two of you reunited during him in his dilaudid era) he felt the need to helo you and feared you gone off the deep end but you soothed his worries by telling him you only gambled twice a month as of recently since you got a new job.

back to the case, maybe you had encountered the unsub before but he was masked and you didn't really have a good description other than he was a terrible bidder and he was always angry when he lost.

spencer planned to leave the interaction at that until rossi and emily brought up that having you as a consultant could be a good idea since there was no one better to understand a compulsive gambler than you. spencer tried to strongly disagree but the bau seemed on board with the idea, especially after penelope did a background check and saw she was in counseling and mentally well.

so then ensued a whole adventure of you and spencer reconnecting. maybe reconnecting a spark that was originally there in vegas but spencer pushed it down due to your disorder and the fact that he was focusing on getting a doctorate.

you are by far one of the most talented and skilled person that spencer had ever played against. if you were a profiler, your skills would be unmatched because you notice every single little detail and use it to your advantage. you were a profiler to put it more accurately because you studied behavior. in the casinos, you and spencer could've been a power couple.

IMAGINE how good a couple you too will be once you two realize it. well when spencer does realize you were by his side, supporting him even in vegas.

anyways, thats all the ideas i have in this little imagine right now but best believe i am going to write more about it in my little notes app. (yes this is inspired by miku in bet but tbf, i was a kakegurui fan during quarantine when i went through a phase. i live miku so so much ♥︎)

[biahouse]

Waiting for your love, Robert Chase x Reader

When House's first team disbanded entirely, you were hired to help the doctor with the paperwork. After a few years you finally meet the famous Robert Chase, unfortunately not on the best terms.

When you started working with the infamous Doctor House, you didn't know that your life would change overnight.

He was a peculiar man, not to say crazy, but he was an excellent doctor and over time you got used to the man's crazy mind. You knew the names of the doctors who were part of House's infamous first team.

Eric Forman. The man who had returned to the team a few months after leaving and who you had the pleasure of calling your friend.

Alison Cameron. Certainly one of the kindest and bravest women in the world, according to Erick's far from impartial opinions and some subtle comments from House.

And Robert Chase. You had never met the man at any point. It seemed like the universe never put you in the same room together, every time House needed him for a case, somehow you weren't working at the time. But it wasn't uncommon to hear House talking about Chase.

Out of all three of the original doctors, you were pretty sure Chase was the mayor of Gregory.

When House went to a psychiatric clinic because of his Vicodin addiction, you were forced to look for a new job with great reluctance.

You had gotten used to that crazy life in the hospital. Managing documents that House refused to do, the nights out with Thirteen, the jokes in the office, the jokes with Taub.

So the moment Cuddy said House would be returning to the hospital, you didn't think twice about returning to your old position.

Things had changed. It was clear. House no longer wanted to be part of the diagnostics team and now Foreman was the head of the unit.

You tried to convince House to return to the department, and you ate a lot during that time, as the man was committed to his short culinary career. At the end of it all, House came back.

He hated work, but he hated being without it even more. But everything was different once again.

Taub resigned. Foreman fired Thirteen. And now Cameron and Chase were back on the team.

You clearly remembered the moment you were sitting next to House helping him with the patient's medical file and the two doctors entered the room.

You jumped up, observing the two blondes in the room. It was a weird performance and you hated yourself forever.

Meeting Alisson was an honor for you. I knew what an incredible doctor she was. But she felt horrible as soon as she looked at her husband and saw the most perfect man on earth.

Chase was beautiful.

You blushed when you shook his hand and even more so when he greeted you with his Australian accent.

During the entire affair, which took more out of you than anyone else because of all the legal protocols, you somehow ended up becoming very good friends with the MARRIED man (you had to remember) who you had developed a crush on since the first time House described it.

When Dibala passed away, Chase secretly admitted to you that it was his fault. Even though he didn't know you, Chase trusted you more than his own wife.

And that was wrong, but it gave you hope that you knew you shouldn't have. Soon it became the secret between you and Foreman later on.

When it became too much to lie to Cameron, Chase would come to you. So you chatted like old friends at a bar and regularly played bowling to relieve the stress of the secret.

When he finally told Alisson, their friendship didn't change. You were still a confidant to him.

When things in their marriage got complicated, you supported him.

But that was it for him. A friend. A support. And for you it was everything. If you had seen the signs back then things might have been different.

•••

The night Cameron went to the hospital to get Chase to sign the divorce agreement was when everything changed.

Chase desperately wanted to talk to his ex-wife about what went wrong between them, but Cameron was adamant and just made him sign the papers.

He was a wreck and immediately ran to you.

When the entire hospital went into lockdown due to a missing baby, you and Chase got together in House's office and got drunk.

He complained about everything and told you about everything. And you listened carefully. You blamed the alcohol, but somehow you knew you were sober enough not to get into that situation.

That was the first night you slept with Chase.

•••

_ It became a habit.

Almost every night was spent in your apartment.

Chase's hands running all over your body.

His mouth on yours.

His teasing voice in your ear.

The bed hitting the wall.

A vicious habit that you loved more than anything.

It was even funny when you watched him sleep next to you and remember that his relationship with Cameron had started like that, a relationship of benefit.

You wondered if you could be dumber than that. Pretending to sleep every time he left your apartment in the middle of the night. And crying softly hoping that at least once he would stay.

But it was just that, sex.

You wouldn't pressure him, not after all. You couldn't. But I couldn't leave that either.

You preferred just the pleasure you could feel than begging for love you knew you couldn't receive from him.

It was destructive.

But you just couldn't help but love Robert Chase and hope that at some point he would love you back.

[senawashere]

We're on this together. (Chapter I)

Bradley Bradshaw × Fem!Wife!Reader

Summary: Nobody warned you for how hard it is to become a mother,same for Bradley.

TW: infertility,mentions of miscarrige,mentions of hospital,mentions of getting pregnant,mentiones of ivf. Mostly angst.

Tears were streaming down your face,your hands were trembling. Searching for Bradley's number in your contact list has never been this difficult.

Your fingers slid across parts of the screen you didn't want to touch, making your frustration even worse.

The phone line rang at a deafening volume. Once, twice, three times until it goes to voicemail.

His stupid voicemail.

"Hi,its me Bradley. Please drop your message!"

Taking this as a sign, you chose not to try again.

After all, talking to Bradley about it right now would only make him worry for nothing, considering he was busy on deployment and miles away from you. He was about to return this week.

It wasn't something he could solve. Maybe it was but not right now.

Within a few minutes your phone rang. As his name popped up on the screen, a heart emoji next to it and his photo of him grinning stupidly, you felt terrible for doing this to him.

Not only did you let down your own dreams, you were about to let down his too.

You replied, remaining silent. You expected your voice to sound like a lump in your throat.

"Baby, are you there? I couldn't get to the phone in time at first."

You were motionless, your lack of words showed him that. "I'm fine", giving yourself some time, you suddenly started to feel everything you didn't feel until you got home.

"I was at the doctor's today."

"Why are you talking like it's the end of the world? Are you okay?"

Throughout his breathing, it was easy to imagine him even stopping whatever he was doing to pay better attention to you; Not because it wasn't there before. You should have called Penny or someone, they would know how to take care of you.

"Wait, is it about babies? Tell me you're joking," he finished with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You could imagine and hear it perfectly.

In the past, when you received good news, you would pretend that something bad was coming, now it's just another thing you regret doing.

You were selfish for talking to him, he was so far away; You could talk to him about it when he got home.

Talking and doing this and that now would cause him more anxiety than he ever had in his hectic daily tour life. Still, he was the only one you needed.

"No, quite the opposite."

The call suffered a long pause, filled with his deep sighs and persistent tears streaming down his cheeks.

You didn't let a single tear fall until you got home, but did you verbalize it? Putting it into words made things different; it felt more real.

"Fuck," he mumbled, clearly a little out of place.

“I can't have kids, Bradley,” your words were interrupted by the growl you were trying to hold back.

He could tell when you were talking to him that everything hit you at once. Over the years, he was able to recognize even small details.

''I'm the reason we tried and it never worked. I cursed it."

"No, baby," he took a deep breath. "Please don't blame yourself. You know it's not your fault." You ran your fingers desperately through your hair; This is what it must be like to feel useless on the phone. Just what you imagined before you made the call. It was bad to announce this to him. "Are you alone? I can ask someone to check on you. They’ll do that, okay?

“Please,” You didn't want to spend the rest of the day by yourself. Also, even though you didn't want to talk to anyone but Bradley, you knew Penny would understand you better, she knew how to make you feel less bad, it would be nice to be around her. And once she mentioned she went through something like that so maybe she would understand you.

Being alone with your harsh thoughts will not be a good option anyway. "I thought about calling her, but I finally gave up, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Calling you still doesn't seem like a good idea, but I didn't know what to do."

Your weak voice was killing Bradley. If it made him sad to hear that, he couldn't imagine what it was like for you.

"You did great, baby, this is a tough situation but we're on this journey together. You can ask for anything baby, remember?" He smiled, a muffled smile came over the line; It made you feel a little better.

"We can still have children, you know that."

You wanted to tell him that what works for others may not work for you, that your condition may not be that malleable because your condition is genetic. Still, you didn't know if they were true or not, all your thoughts might just be the result of your momentary frustration, but they might also be true.

You need to talk to Bradley about this, everything that's going on in his mind. You didn't want to do this over the phone anymore.

“We can try,” you sniffled, still avoiding the tears you didn't even know were falling. "We can try." You repeated, trying to convince yourself.

"Talk to me, baby. Try to distract yourself a bit, huh? Please. Do you want me to turn the call off? Maybe you can take a long bath with your favorite bubbles or eat something different. That might help."

Even though it sounded wrong, his desperation to help you was adorable. Talking to him made everything perfect, his voice was soothing, you could hear him talking for hours. Now it was no different.

“I just want to hear your voice,” you said, lying on the cold floor of the main room. It would be nice to sleep. It seemed reasonable to forget the previous hours for a few minutes. "You are busy?"

"Not exactly."

"Then tell me how the mission went."

His voice sounded flatter and softer, you could imagine how uneasy he was even from the phone, it was possible to imagine him striding around the room with the phone in his hand. He talked about the mission details the night before. The contrast of how you described your previous day with what happened at the right moment was painful, happy and suddenly you were breaking it.

Everyone knew that Bradley dreamed of having kids, that kids were running around the house and so were you, you wanted to have kids with him even more but with you he would never have one.

"Can I say something?" You asked, taking a deep breath,cutting through his words. "I love you,I love you so much."

Everything was unfair, you both tried so hard. He, too, had become weak from trying, just like you.

"I love you too, baby. This," you could see him in your mind, pausing and gesturing with his hands, "this won't change anything,okay? I still love you so much as the day i fell in love with you."

"We are on this journey together."

"We are on this journey together.”

—-----

Your body trembled.

A cold hand was wandering around your waist as you slowly opened your eyes, feeling a ridiculous headache fill your vision. Your eyes found Bradley crouched on the ground in front of you, and he looked good compared to you. His eye bags were not purple from the 4 hour sleep he was getting,or his hair wasn't messy after the cold,rainy and windy weather out there.

"What are you doing here?" You frowned. Bradley chuckled as you laid your head down once the headache made you feel like you were going to throw up. He could answer your question but you were flattered, he wouldn't think you noticed he was there because he knew you needed him.

So he ignored it, helping you get up.

"Come on, get up. It's cold on the floor, I'll put you to bed." He tried to get you to stand up for him - he failed; but you shifted your weight onto his body, wrapping your arms around his neck, which he found worriedly cute.

“I need you,” you whispered, drunk and sleepy, burying your face in his coat. Let its scent warm you. He smelled amazing.

It was a relief to hear him say that. He didn't want to get into an argument about how it would affect his job in the near future, as you had fought before for the same reason. "I know my baby." He kissed your hair, hugged your waist, and carried you to your room. “She wants to lay down with me.”

He laid you down on the bed, doing the same as he lay on your side, face up and facing the white ceiling.

They both knew it was necessary to speak, but neither knew who should speak first or what they should speak about.

You ran your fingers over his stomach, placing your palm under his shirt, warming his cold hand with your body. You moved closer to his body, nestling into his side as he wrapped his arm around you.

"Tell me, what's on your mind?" He said without looking directly at you.

"There's a lot", your mere words made his throat dry. “It's weird knowing your body can't do what it's supposed to do, especially when you want it to,” you gasped through sobs, his grip pulling you closer to his chest for comfort. "I'm afraid you'll stay with me and a few years from now you'll realize you made the wrong choice." These words hurt him. It hurt him so much to see you blaming yourself.

He hugged you even tighter and asked you to look at him. "I'm not going to leave you, okay? I'm in love with you. That won't change, and it's not your fault. We can try IVF as if it will work, and it's worked for a few people, and we'll have a happy and healthy baby. We have the money for it. If the money I make as a pilot isn't enough, i can even find a part-time job. I can enter just for you, I'm married to you and I love you so much, why should I leave you?"

There were tears in your eyes and you hoped he was right. "What if it doesn't work? If my body miscarries? If we try and never succeed? I don't know if I'm ready to try again-"

Before you finished your sentence, he grabbed your cheek and gave you a messy kiss. He was far from okay, he was desperate, you didn't know how to decipher whether he was trying to silence you or show his emotions. The salty taste of your tears accompanied by the burning in his throat didn't help at all.

You put your hand on his chest and stop him. He was in distress, he probably wanted to stop you with a waterfall of negative thoughts but he didn't know how.

“I don't want to try, I just don't know what to do yet, and it's killing me right now.” You were complaining.

He kissed your forehead and let you lie down.

"We will find a way. It's still new, we can think better or find other ways. Adoption is also a good option, but of course if everything happens at the right time."

You stayed silent for a while, imagining a parallel where Bradley was right and things worked out. Although you were still not convinced by this, you agreed with him. After all, there would be no other way, and you still wanted to have children.

“Adoption sounds good,” you mumbled against his chest. You hadn't thought about it yet, it hadn't even crossed your mind. “There is no risk and there is no way we can go wrong.”

You felt relieved that he was there for you, guiding you to feel better about this.

"You see?" he asked with what looked like a weak smile. "We'll find a way because I don't plan on having kids with anyone but you, so it has to be with you. Whether you like it or not." He joked, drawing a smile from you as he touched your nose with a wet kiss.

It was incredible how he managed to make even the most difficult moments seem lighter.

"Good, because I still want to have your stupid kids.”

I'm tagging people who might be interested:@ohtobeleah @sebsxphia @callsigns-haze @sorchathered @greenorangevioletgrass @teacupsandtopgun @roosterforme @floydsglasses @lyn-js @bradshawssugarbaby @torchflies @its-dee-lovely @its-the-pilot @friedchips94 @bradshawsbaby @hardballoonlove @perfectprettypisces @topguncortez @hangmanapologist @bradshawsbaddie @shanimallina87 @djs8891 @themusingofagothicsoul @promisingyounglady @the-romanian-is-bae @mamachasesmayhem @jessicab1991 @iefitzgerald-blog @charcole-grey @waterriseslew @desert-fern @promisingyounglady @lewmagoo and if you are not comfortable please tell me!!

REBLOGS,LIKES AND COMMENTS ARE HIGLY APPERICATED🤍🤍🤍

[mossy-bonez]

In an effort to get more minds on the number silly straw I am going to make this it’s own post.

So here we go.

I solved the other three yesterday at around 1:46

Green

Caesar Cipher, +3

Hbh grfwru ri d ghliihuhqw nlqg/ zkr zdqwv wr pdnh klv sdwlhqw eolqg

Translation

Eye doctor of a different kind

Who wants to make his patients blind

Yellow

Caesar Cipher, +3

Lxvvb hdwhu/ edeb eloob/ zrxogq’w gulqn/ zqohvv lwv vloob

Translation

Fussy Eater

Baby Billy

Wouldn’t Drink

Unless Its Silly

Purple

Caesar Cipher, -3

Qeb alzqlo pxvp/ qeobb pfmp x axv/ tfii jxhb qeb sfpflkp/ dl xtxv

Translates

The Doctor Says

Three Sips A Day

Will Make The Visions

Go Away

Red

So we know what those ones say, I however don’t have a fucking clue what the fuck is going on with red. Now I will admit that I have less knowledge on number based codes, so maybe I’m just stupid, but. I have been trying to crake this on and off all day yesterday.

So here are the numbers.

215 858 117 450 110 628 19 211 120 2265 216 951 25 256 27 532 212 506 18 1317 110 1137 221. 658 23 1330 210 231 118 929 112 2043

Now my first thought was A1Z26… but that can’t work because there is a 50 in here twice actually. So A1Z26 didn’t work.

Now I am bad at number codes so I went to my friend and they suggested Hex, and I tried that and nope mostly undefined, then I asked the same friend again and they said maybe Polybus Square, but I pointed out that these sets of numbers are set up in groups more than 2, so that was a bust. So I showed it to my fiancé, who just taught a summer class based on escape room, and thus taught kids about a shit ton of different ciphers and codes, some I told them about but others they new about already and some they had found researching for the class, so I thought that they may have an idea as to what it might be. And they took a cursory glance at it looked up some of the numbers, not all of them mind you, and said that they were area codes, and those of larger cities, both in and out of the US. And I was happy to have an answer, didn’t know how I would be able to use this to answer the code but I had something, so I went through and… not all of them were area codes, it actually broke down quite quickly, see they had checked the first 3 and then moved to look at some of the later ones that were different lengths and the “221. 658” group thinking it was a decimal and then told me that it seemed like all of them were area codes. Now we were back at square one. So I have no fucking clue where to go now.

[jessicaloons]

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince:

Chapter 7

Masterlist - Previous - Next

Miss Americana

June 2023:

Nice was beautiful. And warm. And bright. Romantic little alleyways everywhere. The people a bright mix of residents and tourists. But what surprised Rachel the most was that so many people spoke Italian. She didn’t expect it but it gave her hope that she might get along way better than she thought. She checked into a small hotel close to the promenade, enjoying the southern French sun that streamed through her windows.

Rachel sat on her little balcony, watching the happy buzzing beneath her, the busy street, googling for Madame Leclerc’s hair salon. It took her a while to find it, for some reason a handsome young man, who she thought she saw somewhere before, was the search result most of the times. But when she finally found the hair salon, she wrote down the address, before she googled a hotel in Monaco. The prices went through the roof and she chose the cheapest one she could find. Wasting all her money for hotel rooms wasn’t planned and she hoped she would find a job quickly. It was early afternoon when she felt the tiredness overthrowing her. She checked her phone, counting what time it was in Montreal, realising that she was awake for over 24 hours at this point. She had tried to sleep on the flight, preventing herself from a jet leg, but she was too nervous, too excited, to sleep. The young woman decided to take a quick shower and then head straight to bed. But before, she locked her hotel room door twice, put the door chain on, and then looked around, spotting the metal cup filled with sticks full of sugar and wood sticks to stir some coffee or tea. She emptied out the cup and then carefully put it on the door handle, to be alarmed if anyone would try to come into her room, giving her time to escape out of the balcony. Rachel looked at her work and sighed, feeling way too paranoid as she stubbed her toe against her backpack, next to the bed. It was packed with all her documents, money, phone charger and some clothes, including her sneakers, ready to grab and leave in case she had to flee. Having an escape plan at all times was mandatory, according to Stuart and although Rachel was more than sure that no one had followed her, she agreed with him and wanted to be prepared for everything. She decided to stay for a couple of days in Nice. Making sure that she was really safe. And alone. Thoughts of her old life, her old identity, crossed her mind. She had to think back at how she met Stuart‘s 'friend' Isabella. She was an odd person, mysterious, a little scary maybe. She had brown hair and besides a 'hello' and 'where’s your stuff' she didn’t say much, only starting to change into some of Rachel’s clothes from her open suitcase on the bed, before she closed it. A look through the room and she stepped in front of the mirror, putting a blonde wig on, she had just pulled out of her bag, followed by Rachel’s large shades she had grabbed from the drawer. She handed Rachel a keycard to a different room and told her to go there, then grabbed the suitcase and her handbag and left as fast as she had appeared, leaving behind a confused Rachel, who grabbed her stuff and left the room to enter the new one three doors down the hallway. Just like Isabella said.

Rachel laid in bed for a while, thinking about all kinds of abstruse ends of her old life. What Isabella had done to her belongings. Maybe they would end up in a burned out car, or thrown out at some landfill where maybe one of the workers would find it. Maybe they would inform her father, and he would assume that his daughter was kidnapped, murdered, gone. She shook her had, biting her lips. She knew that it would break his heart, but it was the only way to escape her fate. But thinking back how lost and devastated he was when the doctors told him that her mother didn’t make it off the table, the pained scream he let out, so bone chilling that Rachel got goosebumps just thinking about it. It made her feel sick to her stomach and she had to urge herself to think about something else. Her new life ahead. A clean cut. Besides Stuart, no one knew she was gone. No one knew she had a new identity. And until tomorrow evening or rather late at night it would stay this way. When Don Romano’s men would come to pick her up from college and wouldn’t find her. Finding out that she graduated a week earlier, that she was gone. Then it would be time for her to stay alert, watch her surroundings. Hope that no one showed up for her. Hope that their plan had worked out and she was free. With the thoughts of a better life ahead, she drifted into a dreamless sleep, finally succumbing to her bodies need for rest.

4 days. 96 hours. 5760 minutes. That was the time it took for her father and the men he worked for to trace Rachel’s steps all the way to Montreal. The hotel she had chosen back there was small, no high quality security cameras, only a grainy tape of a blonde girl checking into the hotel under the name of Rachel Lombardi and then 4 days later checking out of the hotel. That was it, that was the trail of traces she had left, buying a ticket to Montreal with her credit card, checking into the hotel with her credit card, renting a car with her credit card. And that was where the trail ended. Another grainy video of the blonde girl at the car rental, loading her suitcase into the trunk of the car. A car that had disappeared since then.

"Everything is going according to our plan… you disappeared into the Canadian wilderness…" Stuart said and Rachel took a deep breath.

"They stopped looking for me?" she almost whispered.

"Well, there are still two men here, I don’t know what they are doing right now, but the other two men left. They tried to ping your phone, but the last signal it sent was on the highway out of town and since then it’s gone completely off the radar."

"So it worked? I’m gone? They can’t find me…" she felt tears stinging in her eyes.

"I think so, yes. I will check in on what’s going on here for the next couple of days and what these two guys that stayed behind do, but yeah for now, I’d say Rachel Lombardi is gone."

Rachel stayed quiet, thinking about his words before she let out a sigh.

"I would feel better if I’d knew what these two guys were doing…"

"Don’t worry, okay? I’ve got someone looking for them. We figure out what’s going on, but you’re far away, you shouldn’t be too worried okay? It’s fine. You’re fine." Stuart tried to reassure her and after another moment of silence Rachel nodded.

"You’re right. Your plan worked out so far, I have no doubt it won’t work out anymore out of the blue." she replied laying back in her bed, switching off the nightstand lamp "It’s going to be fine."

"Exactly. Stop worrying and start living la dolce vita!"

"I’m trying, I promise."

"That’s the spirit. I’ll give you a call as soon as I found out what’s going on with the two who stayed behind… until then, enjoy the sun, the gelato, the vine."

"I will…"

"Alright. And now good night, relax, stop worrying, okay?" Stuart urged again and Rachel chuckled a little.

"Good night, Stuart…"

The little bookstore right by the sea made Rachel swoon. It looked so cozy and dreamy that she knew she could spend hours if not days in there, but she came with her mind set on a goal.

"Hi- umm… I’m looking for books to learn French better, please?" she stammered in the worst kind of French and the older lady at the counter smiled at her.

"Oh dear, here, let me show you!" she replied in English, her French accent sounding almost melodic. She waddled away, the young girl in tow, and pointed to a section of dictionaries and other language learning books. "Here we have everything for you. Take your time…" she smiled and walked off, scratching a black cat’s head that was resting between two piles of books "I’ll get you a treat Rico." Italian.

"Do you think it’s easier to learn French from Italian or from English?" the young girl asked.

"Oh, you speak Italian? Then I would recommend you the Italian ones."

"Alright…" Rachel grabbed one of the books and sat down in one of the armchairs, Rico getting up from his spot, walking over to the young girl "Hi Rico." she smiled, scratching his head a little.

"That never happened before…" the book shop owner said "He doesn’t like strangers at all!"

"This cuddly one?" Rachel laughed, when Rico literally clung to her legs, circling them.

"Yeah… that must mean he thinks you’re a good person. Trustworthy." the older lady smiled, crouching down a little to give her cat a treat "You know, cats have a sixth sense for that…"

"Yeah, maybe…" the girl swallowed thickly, thinking about how she wasn’t that trustworthy after all, hiding her true identity.

"Have you found a book?"

"Umm- yes. I think I’ll go with this one. It’s for starters…"

"You should also get a book in French… read it, try to use you’re Italian to translate it, and if you don’t know a word or two you can have a look in a dictionary… that way you’ll learn even faster!"

"Sounds like a good plan, thank you!" Rachel smiled, patting the cat’s head.

"What kind of books are you into? Romance? Fantasy? Thriller? Dark romance? We’ve got a whole collection of Mafia romance books, it’s the newest trend I guess…" the elder lady pointed at some books displayed on a table but Rachel shook her head.

"I don’t get how anyone can think that it’s romantic being in the Mafia…" she mumbled.

"It’s always a dark, broody and mysterious guy fighting and protecting his girl… lots of young woman seem to like it… they are also- umm let’s say they are spicy…" the bookshop owner wiggled her eyebrows.

"Yeah no thanks…"

"Are you into Formula 1? We have some romance books in the Formula 1 world? They’re not really authentic when it comes to racing but oh well…"

"Umm- no. Not into Formula 1. Watching a bunch of guys driving in circles for hours is not really my thing…" Rachel rolled her eyes a little.

"Oh dear this isn’t Nascar. Formula 1 tracks are no circles. We’re close to Monaco, everyone here is crazy about Formula 1." the older lady laughed "Why don’t you have a look around for some books you like and I make us a coffee?"

Rachel wasn’t used to people being this nice and open minded to strangers so she just nodded, confused. But she did what the bookshop owner, she introduced herself as Clarisse, suggested and walked around, searching through the different isles, trying to find the perfect book for her.

"So, where are you from?" Clarisse asked half an hour later, when they both sat down in the plush armchairs, both with a mug full of steaming coffee in hand.

"I’m from… umm-…" Rachel had to think for a moment where here new persona was from, not familiar with the new details "Pennsylvania…"

"Pennsylvania?" the bookshop owner cocked an eyebrow, looking at the girl.

"Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you knew Harrisburg…" she faked a smile, taking a large sip from her coffee "On the other hand, Europeans are way better in geography than us Americans… so…"

"Well, I wouldn’t put it that way… but yeah, you might be onto something there." Clarisse laughed "And what brings you here to Nice? A young, pretty girl like you?"

"Umm-… I’m on a trip through Europe. So I couldn’t miss Nice obviously…" Rachel lied and was happy that Rico decided that now was the perfect time for some more head scratches so he jumped into the girls lap, purring.

"If you’re here, you should also make a stop in Monaco. The rich and the famous living there all together in one little spot. And a lot of Formula 1 drivers… young and handsome, some are single… good catches for a little summer romance." the older lady wiggled her eyebrows and Rachel laughed.

"I’m not interested in a summer romance. I want to see the cities, landmarks, get to know the culture, all the beautiful beaches! Oh and of course the food…" Rachel smiled, she always dreamed of a trip through Europe one day to do exactly that, but she never thought she would get the chance to.

"Well, I can’t argue with that. It sounds like an amazing plan." Clarisse nodded, sipping at her coffee "But I’ll warn you, a beautiful girl like you? Foreign? You will have admirers left and right… men from the south of Europe are all little heartbreakers you know, always here for them pretty girls. Take good care of your heart, or you’ll lose it to one of them…"

"I’ll watch out for heartbreakers… I promise." Rachel laughed.

"Good, very good. So? Did you find some books?" the bookshop owner looked at the little stack of books on the table next to the girl.

"Yeah. I went with books my mother used to read to me like Alice in Wonderland, The Hobbit and some classics like Wuthering Heights and Great Expectations… I guess that should be enough for now. A dictionary, a book to learn French and some French books… I hope it works out." Rachel looked at the books she chose and Clarisse smiled.

"Don’t worry, ma fille, it will. And if not, you could still come here again and we try another book that might help you better…" she sat down her coffee cup and Rachel nodded.

"Yeah. I think I’ll do that. I mean, I will be here for some days… it’s a beautiful city after all…" she replied, looking out of the window, the busy street almost hiding the beautiful Mediterranean Sea behind it.

Rachel spent the next 2 days mostly at the beach, reading her books, trying to learn French and although it was easier with her being fluent in Italian, it still was a lot of work and she knew she had to improve a lot to be able to work as a nurse. She sat on her beach towel, watching the sun slowly set over the horizon when her phone rang and Stuart called her. Taking one last deep breath she answered the call.

"Hi…"

"Hey… well umm- Rachel, I’m almost 100 % sure that the coast is clear. Like completely. The two guys who stayed behind, they left the city on the same highway that you took, probably following more of the CCTV footage that showed Isabella… but that trail ended at a truck stop. The car abandoned, at the end of the parking lot, the CCTV footage only showing you going into the diner and leaving it an hour later, but there is no camera at the parking lot, your suitcase is still in the car, your passport as well, only your wallet and phone gone. They took the suitcase with them and left Montreal this morning…" Stuart explained and Rachel let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.

"They’re not looking for me anymore?" she asked quietly "They left?"

"They left, yeah…"

"Okay…" Rachel mumbled closing her eyes but kept silent, the one thing on her mind that she kept thinking off the last days.

"What? What’s going on?" Stuart asked, knowing the girl too well.

"Did they- umm… did they report me as missing?" her voice barely above a whisper and the line went silent, before he cleared his throat.

"No, they didn’t. I mean, they can’t just file a police report that you’re missing… we both know they can’t ask the police for help."

"No… you’re right, they can’t… and the Romano’s only have some people at the customs control at the Boston harbour, some lower ranked police officers and detectives in Woburn and Winchester on their payroll… I don’t think that any of them would be of service to find a missing girl in the Canadian wilderness…" Rachel said quietly, leaning back into her pillows "Do you think they keep looking for me themselves? Or-…" will they just accept that she was gone, not caring what happened to her.

"I guess they will keep looking for you, from time to time, maybe find new traces although there aren’t any… but I’m sure they won’t look for you in Europe and most definitely not in Monaco…"

Rachel thought for a moment, closing her eyes and then began to chuckle.

"What?" Stuart asked but the girl laughed even more "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-… sure…" she breathed out, wiping away a stray tear, not knowing what came over her "I was just imagining… what if they declare me dead. I mean, it looks like some crazy trucker might’ve taken me with him to do what not and then just got rid of me… what if my dad wants a funeral? Or something like that? To say goodbye? What if my dad for once remembers how to be a dad and I’m not even there to witness it…"

"Rach, stop watching these true crime documentaries, your mind is already too dark and twis-…" Stuart began.

"No, I’m serious! I mean, what did I think what would happen? They find my stuff in an abandoned car, no trace of me for days… what would you think? They know how easily you can let someone disappear, they do it all the time. It’s just logical that my dad thinks I’m dead and maybe to make himself feel better he wants a funeral or something…"

"But you don’t have to care about that anymore, okay? Rach you’re safe. Gone. There is nothing that could lead them to you. You are free. Finally. You can live the life you always wanted to. Don’t think about what’s happening back home. It’s over okay? You start your new life in Monaco and find the happiness you deserve…" Stuart tried to calm Rachel down and after a moment of silence he heard the girl taking a deep breath.

"Do you think there will be a coffin? Filled with some of my stuff from my old room?" she then asked.

"Rach!"

"Sorry-… it’s just… you know in movies or tv shows they do it all the time and-…"

"Stop, okay? Stop thinking about that. It’s over now. You live your life in Monaco. They will do whatever they want. But it doesn’t matter anymore, okay? You are free." Stuart’s voice firm "Don’t think about your past. Focus on the now, focus on your future."

"I-…" Rachel stopped, not knowing what to say "I think a part of me still needs to process this all… like let it fully sink in…"

"Understandable. It takes time…" his voice wavered a little.

"I can’t even imagine how hard it must’ve been for you… you were younger. And all alone, no one helped you like you helped me…"

Stuart was silent and Rachel thought she might’ve said something wrong when she heard him chuckle bitterly.

"I wasn’t alone. Someone helped me… but that’s in the past. He is in the past. I got out of my old life, just like you did. You’ll live your new life now in Monaco, I’ll go to LA. We’ll be fine, you and I." he replied, sounding confident.

"Will you be safe in LA? They won’t look for you?" Rachel asked, feeling a pang of guilt in her chest.

"For what it’s worth, we never really interacted on campus, no one knows that we’re friends. And if they would find and ask me, that’s the answer I would be giving. We were classmates, we worked on projects together sometimes, but that’s it. You were not really open minded, most of the time you sat alone in the library studying. So yeah, we didn’t know each other that well."

"That sounded really convincing… ouch…"

"Maybe I should try become an actor, once I’m In LA." Stuart thought out loud and Rachel laughed.

"One thing is for sure, I would be your biggest fan from day one…" she said.

"Oh stop…" he chuckled.

"No, I’m serious, you would be the next big thing without a doubt, but to me you will always be the guy that saved my life. Thanks for that."

"Bit dramatic, but okay."

"I’m serious… you saved my life, Stuart."

"I would do it in a heartbeat again and-… oh shit. That was my flight…" he said hurriedly "I really don’t want to end this call now, but that was the last call for my flight…"

"It’s alright. Call or text as soon as you arrive." Rachel said "Take care. Have a safe flight."

"I text you. For the last time, bye Rach."

Rachel Lombardi was gone.

Disappeared. Missing. Gone. Dead.

She didn’t sleep that night. Her mind trying to grasp the fact that her old life really was over. She really was free. She knew that this was happening. This was what they had planned after all. But having the confirmation that her father, the familia, were looking for her and only find that she had disappeared, not a single trace left. She didn’t know how to feel. Relieved? Sad? Happy? Hopeful? Devastated? It was getting too much in her head and she felt dizzy. She got out of bed, opened the balcony doors and sat down in the chair outside, a clear night sky above. Stars shining brightly. The soft ocean waves crashing down onto the shore ahead of her. With the salty sea breeze in her hair, she took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She could start a whole new life, now that her old one ended. After a couple of minutes, Rachel went back inside, sinking into the pillows, her head clear. She would book a hotel in Monaco in the next days, then buy some more clothes, appropriate for the warm and sunny days ahead, and then she would take the train to Monaco, finding Madame Leclerc.

If Rachel thought Nice was beautiful, she wasn’t prepared for Monaco. The little alleys between the beautiful houses, the happy mix of French, Italian and English spoken on the streets. Luxurious cars chasing after another in the narrow streets, making people look up at their sound. She followed the directions on her phone, leading her right in front of the hair salon her mother told her all about. The girl pocketed her phone and looked through the window, taking a deep breath before she opened the door, hoping that it wasn’t a mistake to come here. The hairdresser swiped the last remaining hair off of the ground when the door bell rang and she looked up. A young girl stood in the door. A pretty girl. For some reason the Monegasque woman thought she knew the girl from somewhere.

"Sorry? Umm hi. I’m looking for someone." the girl asked shyly. Not from around. Her French sounded foreign "I’m looking for… Mm-… Leclerc…"

The older woman rolled her eyes. Of course. Another fangirl of her son. Looking for him in her salon.

"Listen, you girls need to stop. This is my salon. Charles is barely here! Why would he be! So tell your little friends to stop this nonsense, okay?" Pascale said bluntly and Lauren looked at her in confusion.

"Umm? I- I don’t know who Charles is? I’m looking for Madame-… umm-… Pascale Leclerc? She umm- she helped my mum years ago. And they kinda stayed in touch for a while… and Madame Leclerc told my mum if she ever needs anything she can always contact her…" the young girl explained and the hairdresser looked at her for a moment when her eyes widened.

"Susannah Lombardi? Is that your mother?" she asked and Lauren nodded "Rachel? You’re Rachel?"

Rachel nodded, realising that it was a mistake. She wasn’t Rachel. Not anymore.

"Umm… yeah… but no- I mean… I changed my name. I’m Lauren. Lauren Millner."

Chapter 7 - and here it is, the official name change. Bye Rachel, hello Lauren. We are this 🤏 close to the first meeting of Charles and Lauren 🙈 for now, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Also, congrats to Max on his 4th title, well deserved!

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@glitterquadricorn @lottalove4evelyn @janeh22 @itsjustkhaos @mariclerc @fangirlforever2000

[emotionaloof]

please share your pd dental headcanons i am so very curious

Goddamn tumblr deleted my answer before i could post it but alas lets do this again

Ive realized how long this post is much later after posting so im putting it under read more to not spam people

Vyncent? Never brushed his teeth in his life. At most he used herbal potions on fauna for some healing for his mouth but never did anything specifically for teeth. When he came to Prime, Tide had to show him what a toothbrush is. He really was not on board with going to the dentist, he got so spooked by stuff he almost broke the dental unit. Drills especially spooked him, even thought none were used on him, just the toothbrush. Tide had to hold his hand for the entire visit. But despite that hes got no cavities - turns out elf teeth are protected from decay for some reason, so except from few small cracks in enamel and blemishes theres nothing wrong with them. So they put some fluoride paste on them to remineralize just in case but that made his eyes glow for some reason. For that reason Vyncent calls the dentist evil wizard. He also calls them that because he heard they take "wisdom teeth" and he can’t lose anymore wisdom.

Also, as you probably can see from my drawings - i love to hc that Vyncent has a diastema aka a tooth gap. He has it naturally - his labial frenulum penetrates gingival papila, whivh means the attachment of frenulum of the top lip is attached to a gum and overgrows creating the tooth gap.

William was braces kid - he used to have a removable one as a child and as a teen he had to wear proper braces. He would get different colored ligatures on them - moslty black and blue but for christmas he would always get red and green to feel festive. He actually got his braces removed like a week before he died and he lost his retainer when the Prime Defenders base got blown up so hes just hoping his teeth are okay.

He also brushes his teeth regularly - twice a day, unless shit hits the fan and he doesn’t have the time. He only stopped when he learned that he was rotting from the inside and decide that it doesn’t matter then. He resumed it though when he got heart transplant. After the finale hes still brushing his teeth but this time its more of a "what if... Vyncent realizes he likes me and we kiss... and my breath stinks????" overthinking thing. He doesn’t floss though. He tries to lie to his dentist about it but he fails everytime.

Dakota... oh boy. Let’s be honest, his teeth were the least of his problems for most of his life, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t crying for help. I hc that he used to go the childrens dentist regurarly when his parents were alive, but after their death he went there maybe once or twice and later focused on other stuff. He stopped brushing teeth at some point and its a miracle they are doing as good as their are. Once Tide learned about that, he immidiatelly booked appointment with W.A.T.C.H.'s dentist (that's my oc, a dentist who specializes in superhero and alien dentistry) and forced Dakota to go. While Dakota wasn’t opposed to it (unlike Vyncent who really didn’t want to go) he has... quirks that made treating him harder. Although for a dentist that treats the supernatural those quirks were basically piece of cake (like imagine treating a hero whos got acid spit or smth).

One - Dakota hates the sounds of drills and the unit. Often it overloads him so he either has to take breaks or wear headphones to mute it.

Two - i like to hc that Dakota is a menace to every doctor. Aka, like with his glasses he doesn't wear - he gets told that he grinds his teeth so hard that hes going to grind to dust and he still doesnt wear the night guard. His mandibular joint is crying. He would go to the dentist like "Hey doc, my jaw can make this funny sound!" *Both mandibular joints crack loudly* "pretty cool huh!" (writing that made my dental heart cry). In the end the W.A.T.C.H dentist makes him wear a nightguard after promising that hell get a sticker for every month he does. This works. It works too well because Dakota manages to bite through like 4 nightguards in a month. At some point the dentist makes a special mold and teaches him and Tide how to make them so that they wont have to visit every week for a new one. When Dakota leaves for 10 months he actually keeps his last night guard and tries to keep it as long as possible - sadly it breaks after a bad nightmare. But he gets a new one when they visit the W.A.T.C.H headquaters for the heart transplant, so he keeps in touch when he needs new one.

Three, Dakota has a biting problem. Which means he bites stuff out of instict when its put in his mouth. And he bites hardddddd. Thankfully the dentist clocked that quickily and always puts something silicone before their own fingers. When Dakota instanly bites they go "hey! What did we agreed to not do, sharkboy?" "I wont bite the tools..." "yes, now open up and let's see what needs to be done.".

Four, Dakotas teeth are in bad state. Like not brushing them, not visiting the dentist and constanty grinding sadly ended with him losing at least two first molars and a premolar (i draw him without one like that). Thankfully they managed to rebuild his other teeth so they aren’t in such poor state - they even thought about proper crowns but since Dakota is a minor (its better not to put pernament crowns on minors due to changes of the gums around them) and he keeps fighting (which means easily getting his teeth damaged) and grinding teeth, they’ve decided to give him only temporary restorations with composite. It works because even if it falls off its not too expensive to replaceand it takes like a one visit.

Because he had to have a lot of stuff done - they’ve treated most of his bigger problems under geneal anaesthesia (something that we actually do with children) so he basically woke up with like 3 teeth missing and like 7 new fillings. He was also very loopy after it and that spooked Vyncent - he was very worried that the evil wizard did something to Dakota but thankfully William and Tide explained to him that it had to be done and that Dakota is very good and brave for doing that.

I think thats it for main Prime Defenders. I also have a small headcanon that Ashe went to a dentist like couple of times in his life and has invisalign where the orthodonstit would send him couple new appliences every few months so he doesn’t have to come to have braces.

I also hc that Lightspeed is afraid of the dentist and Dakota offers to hold her hand and distract her when she does visit. He does very well at that. He once sat there and was liek like "im great at this assist thing, maybe i should get into dentistry" and both the dentist and lighspeed said "we love you dakota, but god please dont".

Theres probanly more that i dont remember so maybe ill add them at some point.

[smashing-teacups]

Thankless: Of Ruined Holidays and Changing Hearts

Canon-compliant, showverse, missing scene(s). Oneshot.

Thanksgiving 1960 and 1772 - Frank's POV, then Jamie's.

Two very different husbands, two very different family dynamics, the same unexpected wrench in the holiday plans.

1960 - Boston, Massachusetts

The phone rang just as Brianna was setting the table.

I shot Claire a warning look that went completely unheeded as she shouldered past me in a swish of silk and clacking heels. The instinct to call after her still rose to my lips after all these years; the knowledge that the breath would be wasted kept it there.

“Hello, this is Doctor Randall…”

Our daughter froze instantly, the last salad fork hovering inches over the placemat. 

“How many? Nancy, slow down. How many wounded?”

Just like that, I watched the light drain from my twelve year old’s face. She masked it well, brave girl; unlike her mother, she had a talented poker face. Quietly and without fanfare, Brianna took the cutlery, plate and wine glass from the third place setting and returned them to the china cabinet.

I crossed the room slowly and laid a hand on her shoulder, heavy with unspoken understanding. It wasn’t the first holiday her mother had ruined with her selfishness, her pigheaded insistence upon putting career over family. Bree flashed me a wan smile and reached up to squeeze my fingers appreciatively.

“More mashed potatoes for us, huh?” She tried for levity, and would have pulled it off had she been trying to fool anyone but me.

“We won’t leave a single bite,” I promised sotto vocce.

Drawing in a breath through her nose and releasing it in a sharp sigh, Bree clasped her hands together as she turned back to the table. “Shall we? Or do we wait for her to come back in and—”

“Darling, I’m so sorry…” Right on cue, Claire appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, already slinging her purse over one shoulder, the car keys jangling in her opposite hand. “There’s been a terrible accident on the Longfellow Bridge—”

“Yeah, I’m sure there was. It’s always something, right?” Even I was surprised by the venom in Bree’s voice; day by day, the little girl eager to defend her mother’s choices was yielding to the dark cynicism of an adolescent. Normally, I would have chided her for taking a tone — it was unbecoming of a young lady — but I couldn’t deny that a part of me had been anticipating the day when Brianna finally learned to stand up for herself. It had been far too long that she’d dutifully shouldered the burden of her mother’s negligence. 

Wounded, wide, golden eyes blinked twice before Claire took a half-step forward. “I understand,” she said with a physician’s practiced calm, “that it’s disappointing when I’m called away on the holidays. Trust me, this isn’t how I wanted to spend my Thanksgiving either.”

“So why are you?!” our daughter demanded, throwing her hands up and letting them flop back at her sides. “Why does it always have to be you? Why can’t the other surgeons take the call this time?”

Keep reading...

[kie-o-v]

So, I wanted to wait to post this until I was six weeks post opp. But I underwent a voluntary laparoscopic hysterectomy with bilateral salpingectomy that ended up being necessary.

I am going to give a detailed background of all it took to get to this point so that those of you who are having similar issues might be able to get help quicker than I did. If you want to skip ahead to surgery, I put a red break (like the one below) in before I start so you can scroll until you see it.

TW: FULL DETAILS UNDER THE CUT OF MY EXPERIENCE.

I want to start off with my age, because that is important in this: 31.

My period/cycle was never normal. It started at 13 and was incredibly heavy, never consistent. By age 19 I had such a horrible period that we went ended up at the ER once, because nothing was taking away the pain. Not even muscle relaxers.

Let me tell you about my relationship with pain so that you can grasp the severity of this. I've broken bones, not believed them to be broken, and went on playing sports or going to work. Only to find out days later it was broken, or fractured. I also have fibromyalgia, a chronic disease that involves overactive nerves and inflammation that causes pain for absolutely no reason. I started getting migraines at age 11. Pain has to be severe for me to resort to ER help.

My doctors put me on birth control, and it helped for years. Until it didn't. I also want to preface that I should have never been on birth control because I have ocular migraines 😅 that's another story for another time.

2019: I doubt I will ever know what caused the shift, but I bled for a month straight while on birth control. Shooting, stabbing vaginal pains accompanied it. My primary care and fellow nurses were immediately concerned I had pelvic inflammatory disease and sent me for referral at our local gynecologist.

It took the gyno a month to get me in. The gynecologist #1 (a woman - this is also important) refused to listen to me. "Well, if it was PID, you'd be bolting off the table every time I touch your cervix." As she taps it (it being MY cervix), and I try not to throw up. She insists it's a STD, even though I haven't been sexually active for a year and was tested after my last partner. I am tested for every STD, all the obscure ones. None found. When I asked if I should stop taking my birth control, I was told no. Even. Though. I. Told. Them. I. Have. Migraines. With. An. Aura. Sometimes, the migraines were now lasting a week or happening multiple times a month.

2020 happens and I basically gave up getting answers. Oh yea, had to have a hip laparoscopy for my third-degree labral tear. The worst part of this surgery? I got my period a week into it and was in so much pain. My first period since age 19 off birth control. Because you cannot be on BC due to blood clotting pre- and post-surgery. I quit taking it overall after this until winter of 2022.

2021: I try a new gynecologist in an entirely different state. Again, a female. By this point, I had gained 50lbs. I was tired all of the time but couldn't sleep when it came time to. I tried all the different inflammatory diets in 2020 and into 2021. Cut out so many things. But nothing helped. On top of the pain, the PMDD rage was overwhelming. I didn't feel like myself. I hated being so angry and irritable for absolutely no reason. First appointment they had me do yet another internal ultrasound (I have had so many by this point I have legitimately lost count) and the TECH EVEN NOTATED I HAD AN ABNORMAL AMOUNT OF FOLICLES IN BOTH OVARIES. AKA PCOS. The gyno #2 states that there is no way I have PCOS at my age (27) and all she wanted to do was push more birth control on me. Even after I told her I have migraines with an aura, twice. She referred me to a pelvic floor specialist and told me to call if I wanted to try BC again.

2022: I am still dealing with the insane pain, fatigue, exhaustion, PMDD rage, constant weight gain, lack of appetite, and breakouts. I attempted birth control again. In the middle of winter (like an idiot) and become suicidal for the first time in years. At the end of January 2023, I quit taking it, and within days, I have relief from the suicidal thoughts. It didn't help with anything but shrink my pores again anyway.

2023: Was not much better, I was still in doubt that any gynecologist would listen to me. My mom, who had to have a hysterectomy during the first few months of 2020, kept trying to get me to see her gynecologist. But I figured he wouldn't listen to me because I was so "young: and without kids vs. my mom is her mid 40s with one of each "gender" as they love to point out. At the end of 2023, I finally went to see a gyno that my new primary care recommended because my labs indicated something was indeed wrong with my hormones. I would get so cold while working (wrapped in blankets and layers of clothing) that I would have to fight fall asleep at my desk. Gynecologist #3 (a man) sent me for internal ultrasound before meeting me the same as the last. The tech again mentioned that my ovaries had too many follicles and that my uterus was tilted. This gyno #3 diagnosed me with PCOS because my ovaries were riddled with cysts.

2024: We attempted medication to combat it. Medication that caused me to gain 40lbs in two months while on a strict 1000 calorie diet that this gyno #3 prescribed. "You cannot eat carbs or over 1000 calories." We argued for thirty minutes about this. As someone who has recovered from multiple different forms of ED. I left the appointment and cried to two friends who watched me heal from ED. That healed with me from their ED. The next appointment, when I hadn't lost any weight, he put me on what is basically off brand Adderall. A person that has been clinically diagnosed THREE separate times with OCD. They knew the medications and dosages I was already on. I reviewed it twice this very appointment. Once with his nurse and once with him. Listen, I understand the Adderall hype now. I was zooming. I could do a one-mile hike, elevation equivalent to ten flights of stairs + a strength training session + clean the house +go to work without feeling physically tired or in pain. But thinking was horrific. It felt like I was moving so slowly through my own brain as my thoughts zipped by. The worst of this is I ended up with serotonin syndrome. That was so bad the ER wanted to hospitalize me. I couldn't consent to being admitted, because I had to go to work to keep my health insurance. My short-term memory was severely impacted and still has not fully recovered. Obviously, I did not visit gynecologist #3 again.

The periods got worse, the pain extended to a week before and a week after the bleeding phase and was impacting other human functions. Chronic nausea and vomiting, constipation and sometimes bloody bowels (I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy done in 2020 to check this for other issues and there was nothing found). The pain has always been deep uterine and back towards my rectum. Not unusual for someone with a tilted uterus. But it became so unbearable that eight hours into day one of the shedding, I could not sit. I needed to be standing or lying down until the pain medication worked or the body quit revolting. Sometimes the relief wouldn't come until the end of day two. Mom pushed me again to call her gynecologist. So, I got an appointment for January 2025 after I spent most of a night in pain, in the bathroom at a gala for a friend's work.

2025: I have never had a OBGYN team listen to me so well. The nurse: "Is this just a preventive care appointment?" I told her flat out - no, I want my uterus removed. She said, okay let me update the doctor. Gynecologist #4/Mom's gyno (a man) came in, we discussed my history, everything since 2019, my whole cycle, the pain (where it was and when it was happening which I learned later was an indicator of endometriosis) and all the things I have done to try to fix it. He did not push me for anything, suggested that we could try and IUD, but it is entirely my choice and if I want my uterus removed then he will remove it. I confirmed that I was done with the pain alone, to at least alleviate one of the issues. He agreed and sent me for another internal ultrasound (this is to get insurance proof that I needed the hysterectomy) and of course I have textbook PCOS ovaries. He was hoping to see some indication of endometriosis as he had with my mom in her ultrasound. Still, we moved forward with our plan. He also reassured me that I could change my mind at any time, and we would look into other options. Even day of surgery. But that this is my body, I know it better than anyone and it is my choice, and no one should have the option to decline me. Which felt so fucking nice to hear after six years of being told bullshit/that I didn't know how I was feeling.

Things you really have to consider when choosing this option are: 1. the risks of surgery 2. if this surgery does not solve any or all problems related to the uterus will you be ok with that 3. whether or not conceiving and birthing human children is important to you 4. the downtime and recovery

1A. Surgery risk did make me incredibly anxious towards the end. The main reason being I have never had a surgery at the weight that I currently am, and even though I am incredibly healthy when it comes to lab work (low glucose, blood pressure and A1C) media really loves to shout at you about the dangers of surgery being done if you are overweight.

2A. This was the biggest anxiety for me, if not the only true anxiety because I have undergone so many surgeries where the doctors have promised it will be the one that fixes it all. You cannot fix it all with chronic illness(es), you can alleviate and manage pain or flare ups. This was a way of management for me, if nothing else I would be free of the bleeding fatigue and insane uterine pain.

3A. I don't want human children. I came to terms with the idea of not being able to have kids 2019 - 2021 and I am fully content with none. I have ten nieces and nephews so there is no shortage of children for me to give my love to. Also...my favorite niece became so mean when she turned 13. I cannot handle that pain again. I am the parentified eldest daughter, I spent most my life being a parent to my siblings, my own parents, my uncles, my nieces and nephews. That part of me has been exerted. I want to spend time raising myself and caring for my dog/cat.

4A. Now this one is hard for a lot of us, I am active. My dog and I are at the park 3x a week or out in the woods hiking. I do yoga and strength training 5-7 times a week to combat my fibro pain. In addition to the lack of time off my job was going to give me. I was only able to take one week (of the two recommended) off with the use of my PTO. That first week back at work was rough.

FOR THOSE THAT WAS TO SKIP RIGHT TO SURGERY AND POST OPP

Surgery truly went well; I had one of the best teams and gynecologist #4 (also my mom's so we know who we are talking about) is passionate about his job and that shows. It was the longest surgery I have ever had, especially if you combine the post opp. They had to keep me under anesthesia for quite a while because the pain was so bad. And the reason it was so bad?

💖ENDOMETRIOIS💖

I had an endo mass the size of my uterus, between my uterus and rectum. Scarring that could not be removed that covers my bowels (this explains a lot of my above symptoms). For 18 years I thought it was normal to feel like my uterus was trying to fall out of my ass. FYI it is not normal, please seek help.

Some other indicators that I had of endo: leg pain before or during my period (upper thigh as if you have done a lot of squats), deep pelvic pain, painful bowels, sex ranging from uncomfortable to fully painful, nausea, vomiting, constipation, and blood in bowels. I did not know the leg pain was an indicator, I thought it was just my fibro flaring up and telling me my period was about to start. Gyno #4 told me afterwards that this alone immediately told him I had a 90% chance of endo that needed removal.

My ovaries also did not look great from the inside; they were both covered in angry cysts/follicles but were in good enough shape that they did not require removal. So in total I ended up undergoing laparoscopic hysterectomy with bilateral salpingectomy and endometrial ablation. Which means I had my uterus, cervix, both fallopian tubes and what could be cut/burned of my endometriosis removed.

There were two particularly bad parts of recovery for me:

1. Was the length I was intubated really aggravated my throat and caused a lot of excessive coughing which partially caused a cervical cuff tear and some new bleeding in week one. Coughing sucks, sneezing sucks, laughing, etc. Drink lots of throat coat tea and get some cough drops. Take your allergy meds. Just avoid it as much as possible.

2. I had an allergic reaction to the tape and clear butterflies. DO NOT IGNORE IT CALL AND BE SEEN IMMEDIATELY. I was working (week two) when my hives became pretty severe. The gyno office got me in ASAP and I was given two creams that cleared things up. But if you have ever had hives, you know the pain and mild insanity cause by itching with it. - My best friend's dad died that day of my worst hive breakout while I was waiting for a response from the doctors. I had a full breakdown at my desk, crying for many reasons. Don't let it go that far for yourself.

I sit here typing this in the start of what is supposed to be my period (there are other tells that make me know that's where I am in this cycle) and I excitedly told my mom how fucking nice it is to be in the phase of my period and not be in excruciating pain or so exhausted from bloodless.

The surgery has been so worth it.

The tags below are to help this reach people who might need it, and this post/my DMs are always open for any AFAB that has questions. TERFS and MAGA DNI.

[blu3-ja3]

This is going to be very graphic, I don't know why this has wormed it's way into my head but it has and I must get it out. I could rant about violence being inherent to motherhood/womanhood but I'll spare you for now.

!TRIGGER WARNING! Kidnapping, Implies Torture, Extremely graphic depictions of violence/mania. Like it's a lot but I'm really happy with it.

They've seen O'Connor kill, it's something that comes with the territory they work in. O'Connor is surgical, exact, precise. She always shoots to kill, never to maim or injure. There's sadness when she pulls the trigger, not anger or hatred. A pure sadness like her heart is breaking as she pulls the trigger. It's worrying the first time they see it, but Price reassures them. 'It's how she's always been...' They've never really seen O'Connor hurt someone when enraged, the closest they ever got was her dealing with Graves. It put everyone on the back foot even Price for a bit. So much anger and hatred but that was nothing compared to what they're witnessing now.

Soap and Ghost are physically there to see it, but everyone else; Price, Gaz, Roach, and Laswell, can see it through the camera mounted on Soap's chest. O'Connor was abducted while helping civilians in a war torn country side, Laswell gave her the go ahead and she gathered a small team to go. It was just her there, none of the other 141. They all thought it was just a simple week-long mission. But then a week turned to nine days with no word, they all got antsy. Two weeks and they dropped into the country to search for their Doctor.

They found a trail fast thanks to the local malitia, they were who Doctor O'Connor came to help and they were trying to contact someone for days. It took another day and a half to find where they were holding the Doctor and how best to get her back. Laswell did her best with what she could but this wasn't going to be a standard operation for them. The malitia agreed to help under the stipulation that whoever went in wore the camera and their leader watched to learn what they could.

Price agreed to it and chose Soap and Ghost to be the inside team, Roach was to monitor enemy radios with Gaz helping relay. The malitia would use the information to break out their own prisoners from a different cell block.

The inside team was only given their side arms and knives, because if something went that wrong there wasn't much chance at getting Doc out. The two made their way through winding halls designed to be confusing and complicated. They were given constant updates from Roach and Gaz, it was going well.

Then the first report came in, a prisoner had broken out. Killed two guards, that's fine two less for them to deal with. Some teams are being pulled back, alright got to be careful. More dead guards, this escaped prisoner is putting in some work. More teams are falling back, more dead, falling back, dead... The two round a corner and there are three men; full gear and heavily armed, who spot them. The two try to dodge the volley of bullets by finding cover only to run into a dead end. The three move to block their exit.

Ghost sees something dash from the shadows and grabs one of the soldiers, the unmistakable sound of something sharp pierce flesh. Once, twice, three times send long arcs of blood flying and arcing from his neck. The figure moves forwards using the newly dead body as a shield and his gun unloads into the second soldier's back before he falls forwards.

Soldier three sprays wildly into his buddies body before he's out of ammo and having to reload. The familiar figure takes her opportunity, dropping the body she lunges forwards something flashing in between her fingers. She tackles him, throwing punch after punch causing more blood to splatter over her ripped and dirty clothes. She grabs his knife before plunging it into his chest.

There's a clattering noise as soldier two tries to move, O'Connor stands the knife still in hand and moves to stand over him. Ghost can see nothing in her eyes no hatred or rage just cold, dead, nothing. She crouches down over the man before stabbing him repeatedly only stopping once he stops. There's a chill in Ghost mind, a part of his brain wired towards assessing danger. Every part of it is telling him to grab Johnny and run, to get the hell away from that thing. But before he can react Soap is moving.

O'Connor's head whips towards them, she's pale and gaunt. Multiple wounds littered her body, some infected and some reopened. Her hair is matted with grime and blood, her hands a fresh vibrant red that matches all the other red smeared across her body. Her lip is split, a large cut on her cheek, and she has a bruise across her neck. And her eyes, still cold and dead, with heavy bags under them.

As soon as they land on Soap she moves, it's purely instinctual. Ghost moves too and suddenly he's grappling with his Captain. And she's not letting go without a fight, he manages to get the knife out of her hand and knocks it away. As soon as he does that she goes for his knife but he manages to stop her and toss it away as well. She's going to kill him if he doesn't subdue her, every part of him screaming for her to stop. Everything but one, that little part of his brain that knows where she's at and is fighting to join her. To see who'd win and it makes him sick.

Ghost manages to pin her before getting O'Connor into a choke hold and he squeezes. She flails and kicks, dragging bloody nails across his covered forearm ripping the fabric. He squeezes slightly harder, waiting as the flailing slows and then stops as she falls unconscious in his arms.

"Johnny on me now!" Ghost picks O'Connor up and rushes past the bodies and out the doorway with Soap hot on his heels.

They all wait patiently for O'Connor to wake up in her room, the constant beeping of the heart monitors the only thing filling the silence. Doc was in rough shape, she looked almost dead in the hospital bed. It brought back some not nice memories for Price who was pacing around at the foot of her bed. Gaz, Soap, and Roach were on the small couch napping. Ghost was sitting next to O'Connor's bed, one leg propped up so he could rest both his arms on top, his chin on top of that. Laswell sat across from Ghost, having just returned from a long phone call with O'Connor's father.

Ghost noticed her hand twich and was about to say something, but O'Connor's eyes flew open feral and wild as she shot up right screaming. She pushed herself backwards, scrambling to get away before she calmed a bit. Her brain finally catching up with her surroundings. Tears welled up in her eyes as everyone moved towards her.

"You came, sweet Jaesus you came!"

"Of course we came Maevis, we're sorry it took so long."

"We're sorry, we're so so sorry Maevis."

"I thought... I thought I was going to have to fight my way out."

"You nearly did..."

"Yeah, you were bloody feral, gave Ghost a run for his money with how scary you were!"

"You looked like you were ready to kill everything that moved."

"Are you okay?"

O'Connor nodded before quietly asking for a hug. They all gathered around her and held her as she cried, relief flooding her system. Eventually she fell back to sleep and they all decided to watch her in rotations. First being Soap and Ghost.

"Do you think she would've gotten out LT?"

"You remember the look on her face?"

"Hard to forget."

"I've seen it before, once in a mirror... She would've gotten out but there would've been a change. Something snapping that couldn't be fixed."

"LT?"

"Yes Johnny?"

"Thank you..."

"For what Johnny?"

"For saving me, you didn't hesitate..."

"You saw your friend; a comforting figure, hurting and moved to comfort her, Johnny... I saw a woman who just experienced something worse than death for days on end. A woman who was ready to die trying to never experience that again. That was something that saw three men in full tactical gear and attacked with only a knife and won. That wasn't O'Connor, our Doc was tucked away somewhere safe and hidden... That was her Ghost."

They sat in silence for a bit, Ghost back in his same position as before. He was staring at O'Connor and Soap could see the slight tear falling from his brown eyes.

COD Master List

[zorosangell]

⛥ﾟ・。 protector: chapter twenty-five

synopsis: " you were supposed to stay a crewate, just another back to watch, " he tightened his hold, " i didn't even notice the change until i woke up one day and realized i'd take a bullet for you "

cw: violence, gore, fighting, mature themes, profanity, MAJOR/MINOR ANIME SPOILERS, follows the plot of the anime, slowww burn.

a/n: reposting from another account

"You know, I oughta punch you for scaring us like that," Nami scolded, a hand on her hip as Usopp sat up in the bed.

"Yeah, no kidding," Sanji agreed, "Though it looks like you've taken enough punches already, if you ask me."

He took a drag from his cigarette.

"What were you thinking taking those guys on alone?"

"Yeah, you can't just run off and fight whoever you want," Zoro crossed his arms

You scoffed with a smirk, "That's a good one coming from you..."

Luffy laughed loudly at your joke, but Usopp didn't look in the joking mood.

"This wouldn't have happened if I was strong like you guys. I'm sorry!" he sniffled, looking down at the sheets, "It's all my fault! I'm so ashamed of myself!"

He quickly got off the bed, dropping to his knees and hugging Zoro's legs, crying into his pants.

"Hey, hey, stop! I get it! I know you're sorry, but you don't have to get all touchy-feely on me okay?!" Zoro exclaimed, uncomfortable, as he tried to shake the boy off.

"But all our savings! All that trouble we went through! What about the Merry?!"

You breath hitched at the mention of the ship, now remembering that Usopp had no idea of her condition.

'Shit...'

"Take it easy! You shouldn't be out of bed yet!" Chopper tried to calm him down, ushering him to bed.

"C'mon, calm down. Stop your whining and listen to the doctor," Nami agreed.

"So..." he started, sitting back down, "Is there a chance we might get our money back after all?"

"Well... maybe," Luffy smiled, "We won't know for sure 'til that Franky guy shows up."

Usopp hung his head, "I see. I'm sorry."

"Hey, even if we can't get the rest back, we still have a hundred million berries! Don't worry!"

The captain broke out in a couple chuckles, but Nami wasn't having it.

"Yeah, but he lost twice that much!"

"Nami..." You warned, wanting to spare the sniper's feelings.

She suddenly realized what she said, dialing it back, "Eh. Sorry, Usopp."

"No, it's fine," he assured, "More importantly, is Merry gonna be okay?"

The room suddenly fell silent, and everyone turned to each other, nervous.

"I mean, can we get her repaired with the money we have left? We're lucky we have all these awesome shipwrights to work on her. But I know things are gonna get rough out there, so I want her to be stronger than ever before."

No one knew how to break it to him.

No one wanted to be the one to break it to him.

But it was cruel to let a friend believe something untrue.

"We gotta do a lot more than just a little touch up. So do you think those guys'll still do a good job if we only have a hundred million to pay with? You talked to them about it, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Luffy started, taking a deep breath, "But we aren't having them repair it."

Usopp cocked a brow, confused.

"We decided to get a new ship instead."

The sniper's face quickly morphed into shock, somehow not understanding.

"I know that we probably should've asked you first, but we didn't have much choice. Either way, I've made up my mind," Luffy sighed, "The Going Merry has taken good care of us. But it looks like our journey with her has to end here."

Usopp still had the same shocked expression stuck on his face, and you could feel in your gut that something was wrong.

'Crap...'

He was silent.

Too silent.

"Anyway," Luffy tried to start back up, picking up a magazine full of ship prices, "Ice Pops gave us this awesome ship catalog to flip through. There's all kinds of different ships we could pick from in here. And if we decided to shop for a used model, we could go bigger than the Merry, and still keep our budget under a hundred million."

"Wait," Usopp cut through, suddenly smiling, "I get it, Luffy, but the joke's gone on long enough, okay? See? Chopper doesn't know you're kidding."

Your eyes went wide.

'Oh shit...'

"Look how upset this is making him. Jeez, Captain, you should know better than to treat your crew like that. C'mon, (y/n), back me up here."

You were at a loss for words.

It was clear the poor boy was in denial, and doing his best to deflect from the reality of the situation.

But when he landed his eyes on Luffy's dead serious face, his own features fell.

"Hold up, does that mean we... don't have enough for repairs? It's 'cause I lost the two hundred million, isn't it?! And now we can't afford the work on the Merry! Is that what this is about?! After all, a first-class shipyard is gonna cost a lot, right!"

"Would you stop and listen to me?!" Luffy tried to calm him.

"What is it?! Tell me! Don't try to sugarcoat it!" Usopp shouted.

"I'm not, okay?! I don't even care that you lost all the money, that's over now!" Luffy shouted back.

"If that's how you feel then what's with all this crap about buying a new ship?!

"Both of you, stop it!" Zoro quickly interjected, wanting to stop things before they got ugly, "Fighting isn't gonna help! Just calm down for a sec."

"I don't see what I'm doing wrong! He's the one saying all this dumb stuff!" Usopp scoffed.

"I know how you feel, but you shouldn't get so worked up right now," Nami chimed, worried.

"Listen to Nami, Usopp, if you don't get any rest, you're not gonna get better!" Chopper agreed.

"Who cares about me?!" he stood up, "How can you just sit here when he's making jokes about getting a new ship?!"

"I'm not joking about anything! This was a hard decision for me, too!" Luffy exclaimed, starting to get frustrated with Usopp's stubbornness.

"Oh, yeah, I feel really sorry for you!" Usopp snatched the catalog out of Luffy's hands, throwing it on the ground, "Already window shopping for a new toy!

Luffy was shocked for a moment, glancing down at the magazine before looking back up at his sniper, clearly upset.

"You trying to pick a fight with me?!"

"I don't want your damn pity, got it? If you tell me it doesn't matter that I lost the money, then why are you talking about buying a new ship?! Just spit it out already! If we can't afford the repairs 'cause I screwed up, then tell me! Don't show me some stupid catalog and change the subject! I want the truth!"

So Luffy gave him the truth.

The hard, sad, and ugly truth.

The sniper was devastated, and clearly spiraling at the news.

So much so that he had to sit down.

"Wha... What did you just say?"

"Don't make me repeat myself," Luffy clenched his fists, "I told you, the Merry can't be repaired any more. No matter what we do... we can't fix her. Otherwise, I wouldn't say something like that."

"You mean this ship?! This ship that we're riding on right now is broken?!"

"That's right. It's only a matter of time before she sinks."

Usopp scoffed, turning away, "What're you talking about Luffy? That's nuts."

"No, I'm serious. The shipwrights took a look at the Merry themselves. They said she wouldn't even hold out until the next island."

"And it's settled? So that's it? A bunch of strangers tell you to scrap your ship and you don't even ask any questions?!" Usopp glared.

"That's enough..."

"I understand that these guys know what they're talking about, but this is just wrong! Don't give up on the Merry!" the sniper shouted.

Luffy's breath hitched at the sight of tears welling in his crewmate's eyes.

He hated seeing his friends cry.

"What about all the adventures we've gone one together?! What about all the battles we've fought?! She's our friend! She's one of us! Are you gonna abandon her for another ship without a second thought?!"

Usopp's scowl was set directly on Luffy, his brows furrowed angrily.

"After all we've been through, is that how little the Merry means to you, Luffy?!"

Tears began to stream down the boy's cheeks, and Chopper moved to rest a hoof on his shoulder. 

"I know you're upset, Usopp, but you need to calm down," the reindeer tried again.

"Sorry, but no," the sniper denied, "I'm not backing down 'til we settle this."

This entire situation had got from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.

And you could only imagine just how far it could tank.

"Usopp, please," Nami begged.

"What? So you know better than the shipwrights? If we had someone on the crew who knew about this stuff, we wouldn't have asked them in the first place!" Luffy exclaimed, looking down at Usopp.

"Then forget them! We don't need those guys telling us what to do," the sniper scoffed, "I'll repair the Merry myself, just like before! We've made it this far, so there's no reason why we can't go on that way."

He started to scoot towards the door.

"Here, I'll get started right now. C'mon, guys, help me out."

"That's not gonna work," Sanji's tone rose, starting to get frustrated.

"That's right, we don't have enough lumbar, do we? I better go buy some at the shipyard. We got a lot of work to—" "You're not a shipwright, Usopp, you hear me?!" Luffy shouted.

"Stop it, Luffy!" you exclaimed.

"Yeah, you're right, I know," Usopp grabbed the papers from the catalog, "But so what?! I don't see why you're so hung up on everything those stupid shipwrights say! If they knew what she'd gone through, they wouldn't give up on the Merry so easy! They just want your money!"

"Usopp..." Nami tried again, keeping her tone soft and calm.

"The Merry's our ship so it's our job to take care of her without someone else butting in! I'm not giving up! I won't let them take the Merry away from me!"

He weakly stood up, turning to look at Luffy angrily.

"The Luffy I know wouldn't cave to some sales pitch from a total stranger! He'd believe in the strength of the Merry and the strength of his crew!" 

He stormed over, yoking up Luffy by his shirt.

"But here you are, acting like you know everything and ignoring your friends! I can't believe that's the kind of captain you turned out to be! I thought you were better than that!"

"You're not being fair, Usopp. Luffy felt the—" "You stay out of this!" Luffy shut Nami down, staring down Usopp.

"It was my call and I stand by it! There's nothing you can do! This is the end of the road for the Merry!"

"I'm not leaving her here! I don't care what you say!" Usopp shouted, shaking the captain, "I know you're always trying to think about the future, but not everyone on the crew is like that! I see the Merry as one of our friends, got it?! And I won't abandon her when she's hurt!"

"Don't be stupid! Even if she is a friend, that doesn't make her a person!"

"She is to me! And she still has the strength to live! But you wouldn't understand that, 'cause all you care about is getting a new ship to play with!"

"Alright, that's enough!" Sanji interjected, stepping forward, "Just calm down and we can settle this later!"

"Would you listen to yourself!" Luffy tackled Usopp, sending each other to the ground.

"Luffy!" you exclaimed, standing up.

This was getting out of hand.

If it went on like this, they were going to hurt each other.

"Don't act like you're the only one who's torn up about this! We all feel the same way!"

"If that was true, then you wouldn't be looking for a new ship!"

"Alright, fine! If you don't like the way your captain does things, why don't you go ahead and get off-" Sanji was quick to kick Luffy away before he could finish the sentence, you, Nami, and Chopper going wide eyed.

"Sanji!" Chopper exclaimed, in utter shock as Luffy went straight through a table.

The cook let the dust settle for a moment, allowing everyone to catch their breath in the tense air.

"This is going way too far! What the hell is wrong with you?!" he scolded, specifically at Luffy, "If you don't watch it, you're gonna say something you can't take back! So calm down!"

The man was panting, the look in his eye very telling of how he saw the argument going down if Luffy had finished.

You walked over, and placed a comforting hand on the cook's shoulder, silently asking him to calm as well.

And he did, taking a deep breath, and allowing his shoulders to drop.

"I'm sorry," Luffy apologized, sitting up and dusting off the debris, "I don't know what I was thinking."

"You don't have to apologize," Usopp stated, his tone far away, "'Cause that's how you really feel, isn't it?"

"That's not true!" The captain was quick to correct, not wanting his friend to get the wrong idea.

The sniper rolled over, carefully pushing himself off the ground, "Just get rid of your dead weight and move on before they can slow you down."

'Shit, shit, shit, don't say it...'

"If you're gonna throw away the Merry, might as well through me away, too."